STRIKEFORCE: ONE NIGHT TOURNEY 11/16/07 (updated!)

This is a new version of an old review, thanks to 5 new fights falling into my lap that comprised the entire "dark" card. There's a little separation line between new and old stuff. One thing I did do? Change the ratings a little. Buentello/Overeem is now stunningly important and the tattoo artist guy isn't.

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Joe Riggs was supposed to fight in the tourney, but backed out due to some sort of family tragedy, I believe, bringing Sean Salmon from being an alternate to being in the event itself. Poor, poor, Sean Salmon. The tournament fights are 10 minute bouts of two 5 minute rounds.

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DARK MATCHES (reviewed 12/09):

1) DENNIS HALLMAN vs. JEREMIAH METCALF: Metcalf is a solid and loved journeyman. Hallman is a even more solid and more beloved journeyman.

Metcalf throws a superman punch and ends up getting in a guillotine attempt that goes down to the mat. Hallman sweeps him as Metcalf tries to stand and get away by grabbing the heel, they trade standing, Hallman ends up on his back, scissors a leg, and rolls Metcalf into a heel hook. Wow! So much fun. (2)

2) CHRIS DRUMM vs. EVAN ESGUERRA: This is at 145 and I have no idea who they are. 3x3 for rounds.

Its a back and forth grappling battle that ends, unfortunately, with Drumm getting hit in the back of the head and refusing to continue, thus winning a DQ. He has never fought since. (0)

3) ALEX CRISPIM vs. CLINT CORONEL: Coronel gave a good account of himself in a previous fight. Crispim isn't anything special.

Slow fight initally that never really speeds up and seems to show off Coronel's sparring partner mentality. Crispim is able to take him down with prolongued clinches, and Coronel is gassed out in the third as a result. Crispim wins and goes on to lose to John Gunderson. (0)

4) ANTHONY FIGUEROA vs. PETE SABALA: Figueroa I just watched on the Playboy Mansion show.

Exciting fight with Figueroa landing huge blows to Sabala, Sabala looking finished, but then randomly coming back, getting Figueroa down (huge slam in round 2), and so on in repetition. One of the best surprises in forever. I had it in favor of Figueroa and he got the split decision. Highly recommended. (1)

5) ERIC LAWSON vs. JOSH NEAL: Lawson still has a SF contract!

Lawson gets trapped in a triangle attempt very early in the round and ends up surviving it the entire 3 minutes. Neal probably could have forced a tap by transitioning to an armbar, but got greedy. Second round? Lawson drops Neal with a right hand right at the bell, takes his back and wins by rear naked choke. Wow. Really fun stuff too. (1)

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1) SEAN SALMON vs. JORGE SANTIAGO: This entire event was like the "Jorge Santiago Emerges From Obscurity Show." Salmon had been famous for getting leveled by a Rashad Evans high kick. He does not fare much better here, as I'm sure you know.

Not a whole lot to discuss that's not been brought up before everywhere else. Salmon and Santiago sorta throw strikes at long range and Santiago throws a flying knee. Sometime soon after, Salmon is in seizures and urinating himself. (3)

2) FALANIKO VITALE vs. TREVOR PRANGLEY: There was once a time in recent history where Niko still mattered. He has a win over Yushin Okami, even. But when Robbie Lawler obliterated him on the first Icon Sports card back in 2005, his run as a top middleweight ended. It was the first of three consecutive stoppage losses and began a run of 4 losses in 5 fights. Prangley was in a totally different situation, however. Prangley left the UFC after a losses to Chael Sonnen (deserved) and Jeremy Horn (not deserved), and ended up getting his checks written by Bodog. Fighting chiefly for them, Prangley beat a bunch of very solid fighters like Yuki Kondo, Kyacey Uscola, and Andrei Semenov to get him a spot in this tournament as the favorite.

One of the strangest fights you'll ever see for a variety of reasons. The bout itself was exceedingly close, with Vitale doing a good job landing right hands when there was some distance, but Prangley really doing a solid job in the clinch. There was even crisp body punching in what was an almost all standup affair. Midway through round 2, Prangley accidentally poked Vitale in the eye, causing a scratched cornea. The fight went to the judges, and they ruled it a majority draw, forcing ref Marcus Rosales to pick the winner. I felt Prangley was winning overall, and with Vitale unable to continue to the next round, Prangley was given the nod in the fight. (3)

3) LUKE STEWART vs. BRYSON KAMAKA: Kamaka is a Hawaiian Tomato Can. Stewart is another fighter that Strikeforce is being very careful with so as to build up a fanbase regionally for him.

Knee to head from thai clinch, fight over in less than a minute. Stewart is going from that to Riggs. (0)

4) ANTHONY RUIZ vs. BOBBY SOUTHWORTH: Non-title bullshit as Southworth is a champion of some sort for them. I remember Southworth being IFC champ and having fought in PRIDE and thinking, "wow this guy should totally win TUF" and boy that did not happen. I think he's in his late 30s now too.

The first round plays out as Southworth attempts for takedowns and ground control and Ruiz beats him up standing. Ruiz is hardly any sort of world beater, nor does he look the role, but Southworth looks uncoordinated and flat here. He falls down throwing a kick, for instance. Still, Southworth does enough on my card by pushing around Ruiz and holding top control against a guy with no bottom game to win the first round.

Second round is very short. In the standup, Ruiz starts landing shots and Southworth's face is apparently made of tissue paper. He cuts over and under both eyes and is flailing from being hurt. Ruiz takes him down, but the referee prompts a time out to check the cuts. The doctor thinks they are way too bad and Ruiz wins. (1)

5) LEMONT DAVIS vs. BRIAN SCHWARTZ: This is set for three three minute rounds. Schwartz is a popular local kickboxer making his debut.

Nothing about this fight excites or really interests. Schwartz has a history in TKD and likes sidekicks, which in MMA can get you taken down if they don't land. And that's what happens. His sprawl is mediocre at best and Davis, while clearly not any sort of high end fighter or legendary kickboxer, is able to match a lot of what Schwartz does on his feet and mixes in actual ground technique as well. Davis wins a 29-28 decision and most of the fight is booed. (0)

6) ALISTAR OVEREEM vs. PAUL BUENTELLO: I have been very hard on Buentello over the years, and its deserved. The one UFC I've gone to he fought in the main event of and lasted a whopping 15 seconds. He's never show that he's any better than being KOTC Heavyweight champion, which is a title I hope he was handed again. Overeem looks so huge here. I have no idea how he made 205 in PRIDE but he may actually be the naturally bigger man of the two, given how much of Buentello's weight is straight flab.

A beatdown of epic proportions. Buentello's best moment is towards the end of the first when he escapes a cool guillotine attempt with a nice little spin out. Otherwise he is utterly controlled and beaten on like he's a heavyweight punching bag. Overeem sinks a knee about a foot into his sternum and Buentello falls down and taps out in the second round. Overeem was always the best free agent on the market as far as heavyweights go since PRIDE went under, but this put the wax stamp on that. (4)

7) TOURNAMENT FINAL - TREVOR PRANGLEY vs. JORGE SANTIAGO: Prangley comes into the fight a little beat up for that fight with Vitale. Santiago is fresh as a daisy.

Prangley moves slow in the ring, just like a guy who fought two hard rounds would. Santiago pounds him with low kicks and right hands. You gotta set up shots, and Prangley wasn't able to tell where the next punch was gonna come from, leaving his arms out to defend neither. Santiago took full advantage of it and launched a flying knee that landed in Prangley's chest. He just crumbled. Santiago wins and you have to wonder why the UFC isn't interested in a guy knocking people out with flying knees and shit. He's a hell of a lot better a fighter than he was when he fought Belcher or Leben. (3)

8) CUNG LE vs. SAM MORGAN: Sammy Morgan's career highlight reel is like, him getting fucked up.

Ho hum, Cung Le squash match. Le throws a lot of stuff that lands clean and doesn't hurt much, making him like a really flashy version of Guy Mezger and has some cool takedowns and takedown defense. Morgan gets KOed by a body kick and lots of people waive the free Vietnamese flags they were given at the door. I guess I'll give it a (2), since I have no idea what to consider Cung Le internationally at 185.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT(S): Overeem/Buentello. Glorious.

KO OF THE NIGHT(S): Santiago/Salmon. Your average card doesn't have this many impressive KOs by knee, but Santiago/Salmon was a KO of the year contender.

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT(S): Hallman/Metcalf

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 7.5 out of 10. With the added bouts, there's a new depth to this show. Fun fights amongst the nobodies and monster KOs. This would be a card of the year contender if it was a UFN. Interesting note: The D&R rating went down appreciably with the change in number of fights. Oh well. Another thing I need to work out.

D&R RATING: 30% (20/65)

ShoMMA/Strikeforce Challengers 1 (5/15/2009)

Okay, another review. I've got a lot of these I'm sitting on. This is for the inaugural ShoMMA card, or the rough equivalent of the Shobox series for MMA. Headlining this event in Fresno, CA is Mike Aina/Billy Evangelista. Announcing: Moron Ranallo, Stephen Quadros, and Pat Miletich.

1) BAO QUACH vs. TITO JONES: Jones apparently was trained originally by Roy Jones Sr., and Quach is a longtime gatekeeper in MMA. This is at 145. That's in contrast to Quach's 140lb fights for EliteXC.

Slow, slow fight. In fact, no need to review all 3 rounds. Jones absorbs leg kicks and Quach throws them occasionally. In the third round, Jones shows some gumption and drops him with a right hand twice, and also hurts him with a body shot, but is apparently a terrible finisher. The result? Quach wins a decision. I had this a draw with a 10-8 3rd but can't complain much. Well, apart from 2/3s of the fight (1)

2) AARON ROSA vs. ANTHONY RUIZ: Ruiz I hate watching. Rosa was a prospect who hit hard times.

Wild swinging from both to start, a clinch, and Rosa tries to push off and punch. Ruiz, being a horrible fighter to watch, keeps up the pushing to the cage. Rosa is more exciting and willing to at least risk something to win; He tries to hiptoss Ruiz, and while it doesn't work, he gets him out of position long enough to go for the double and put Ruiz on his back. When there, he easily moves to mount, Ruiz gives his back, and gets choked totally out. (1)

3) LAVAR JOHNSON vs. CARL SEUMANUTAFA: Carl's job is to prove that Samoans can have glass jaws too.

Seumanutafa shoots and gets caught with a uppercut, deading him instantly. Amazing. (1) Johnson is subsequently shot in the stomach during a family reunion and his career could be over.

4) MEISHA TATE vs. SARAH KAUFMAN: I hate writing about women's MMA because I plainly do not care about it. Fabricio Camoes was on the undercard and I missed him to see this.

Both girls swing for the fences without putting their hips into it standing, but Kaufman gets her shots there first. Tate likes takedowns, and is successful in getting one in the second round, which makes the fight close for the third. Both are pretty beat up, but Kaufman perseveres and smashes Tate repeatedly with punches throughout the round, shrugging off takedown attempts, and pulling off the win. I don't rank these.

5) MIKE AINA vs. BILLY EVANGELISTA: Evangelista I've seen before, and he's a decent wrestler/kickboxer hybrid sort. Aina I've seen many more times: He's a tough guy who doesn't do anything necessarily super well, but is competent in many fields at the same time.

Round 1 is a standup fight with both showing lots of respect early on, but Evangelista catching onto being more successful in the clinch than Aina (who is really only landing low kicks on occasion). As a result, he takes the first round. Second is more of the same, but Evangelista scores a takedown, changing the nature of the fight. He lands a lot of ground and pound, and as Aina tries to get up, a knee is thrown. Replay seems to indicate it landed squarely on the shoulder, but Herb Dean thinks it hit the head. Aina claims his jaw hurts, and the fight is ruled a DQ win for Aina. Crowd; Not happy. The commission changed this to a NC. Again, NC = (0).

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Tate/Kaufman

KO OF THE NIGHT: Seumanutafa/Johnson

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Ruiz/Rosa

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 3 out of 10: Uneventful given the top two bouts status, Johnson argurably being not very special (and then, unfortunately, nearly being killed), Rosa being previously exposed, and Quach not being an elite fighter. Plus, the fights weren't very good except the women's bout. Nothing to go crazy about.

D&R Rating: 25% (3/12)

STRIKEFORCE: PLAYBOY MANSION (9/29/07)

It seems like only yesterday that Strikeforce was a regional show putting on crappy fights. Today, they are a much bigger national promotion putting on fights that aren't so bad but aren't so great either. Thanks to their new association with the folks at Showtime, old Strikeforce events have seen the light of day for HDTV broadcast. Two in particular were shown in the leadup to their last official event of 2009: This event from September of 2007, and the 11/16/07 show that was headlined by Cung Le and the first ever one night tournament in US major commission history. That event I've reviewed already, but the airing on Showtime featured a bevy of new fights previously unaired. As a result, its going to get bumped up as soon as I'm done writing the review. Lots of that, matter of fact. Just wait till you see the review I've got of M-1's 2009 season.

This event was the first held at the Playboy Mansion. Interesting note: the now even more famous Kendra was interviewed by the announce crew for this and mentioned that Hugh only did the event because it was a "hot new thing", not because he liked the sport. He and Kendra both preferred boxing. Announcing the show is Brian Webber and Frank Shamrock.

1) MIGUEL LINHARES vs. ANTHONY FIGUEROA: 3x3 minute rounds for this bantamweight contest between non-names.

Linhares is measured and not overly excited, but robotic with his strikes, throwing good low kicks and pushing punches. Figueroa clinches midway through the round, starts landing some dirty boxing, and down goes Linhares. Fight over. (0)

2) LUKE STEWART vs. SAM LIERA: Stewart was a SF favorite for awhile, being a BJJ artist who like to do tattoos. Liera is a dude who, I think, trained with the Shark Tank.

Stewart throws a high kick and falls down, with Liera following with a right hand. They clinch, Stewart gets a takedown and is quickly passing to side control. Liera proves decent though; he sweeps, is on top in half guard, but himself loses the position and ends up in half guard and later mounted. Stewart postures up and then lands a solid 2 minutes or so of punches to the head before Cecil Peoples thinks that Liera may have had enough. Seriously, these were not defended, and the announcers were aghast. (0)

3) EDDIE MILLIS vs. DANIEL MCWILLIAMS: More 3x3 minute rounds. Didn't bother to see what weight it was.

McWilliams throws terrible punches. Just awful. There's a clinch (shock), McWilliams goes for a guillotine, and Millis pops out and goes for a takedown as McWilliams tries to get away. McWilliams defends, scrambles up and Millis tries to scissor a leg. McWilliams defends it by stacking up, mounts, takes Millis' back, acquires a tap, and the win. Sloppy, awful stuff. (0)

4) ADAM SMITH vs. DEWEY COOPER: Oh, MMA novelty. Cooper is a longtime boxer and kickboxer. For a number of years he called out boxers on various forums as well as a number of top name kickboxers. He never got his money fight; In 2008 he was defeated by an ancient Arthur Williams in a boxing match at the Tachi Palace. He lost the rematch at the same location one year later. Here he is in his short lived MMA career. Smith is a Canadian of no particular note.

Cooper throws low kicks in round one and Smith doesn't know how to check them. That is the story of round 1. The second is more exciting; Smith shoots immediately and eats a right hand. Again he shoots after stumbling back up, and drags down Cooper in a horrid guillotine. Cooper pops out and stands. Smith, after a bad first, is all about trying to close distance; he clinches, drops for a double, and ends up in full mount. Cooper holds on, but nowhere near well enough to justify the standup Smith is forced to do. Close round.

Third and final round: Cooper throws kicks, and Smith wants the clinch. Who knew? Cooper is thrown down, rolls out, and lands a hard right that staggers Smith. Smith still pursues the takedown and again is successful, landing in half guard. The success is shortlived; Very soon after, there's a standup, and Smith is forced to start from scratch. He eats some knees before the takedown, which happens with not enough time left to salvage the round. Cooper wins a unanimous decision. (1)

5) RICHARD DALTON vs. DANIEL PUDER: In what seems like an eternity ago, Kurt Angle was released from his services as a wrestler for the WWE. At that point, he was offered a major money deal with the UFC to participate in a program with Daniel Puder, an MMA fighter turned pro wrestler turned MMA fighter who had nearly torn off one of his limbs in a shocking turn of events of "wrasslin turned real". Angle took a deal to continue wrestling and Puder has since become totally irrelevant, just as Angle is. For the D-Leagues he now inhabits as an undefeated fighter, Puder is not even a marquee attraction. Reality bites, or so I'm told.

Dalton rushes forward for the clinch, and Puder pulls a guillotine attempt. He holds it forever and a day, Dalton never submits, pulls out, and they clinch more. Dalton does get a double at the end, and Puder goes for a straight armbar from the bottom. In the second, Dalton again shoots immediately, ending up inside Puder's half guard. I thought Puder was an amateur wrestler? Oh well. There's no action, the ref stands it up, and Dalton shoots again. After a couple failed attempts to do something with a body lock, he drops for a leg and Puder defends, forcing Dalton to his back, getting the back. He throws a ton of hammerfists to Dalton, setting up his hooks. Dalton scoots out the back, gets up, and we're back to a clinch position. Puder tries another guillotine, Dalton successfully defends it, but another attempt to drop for a single/double ends with more shots to the body. Right now, its 2-0 Puder.

Dalton clinches in the third, Puder goes for a guillotine...wait, isn't this a pattern? Puder throws foot stomps and knees to the leg and head. Puder release, tries to get some separation, and Dalton actually lands a right hand. Uhh, why now? Puder is more or less really tired and not so much hurt, and after a brief stumble around Dalton clinches with him and throws away his shot at winning. The rest of the fight is more clinching with Dalton and Puder trading soft shots that have no chance of ending this fight. Puder wins a unanimous decision. (1)

6) FALANIKO VITALE vs. RON FIELDS: To what length can you talk about MMA in this decade without somehow bringing in Vitale? It seems impossible to me. They fought in Superbrawl before and Vitale easily won. Fields, a longtime journeyman, is unlikely to have a different result here.

Clinch early, Niko takes down Fields, eventually works his way to crucifix and pounds on Fields for about 1:30. Really bad stoppages here tonight. (2)

7) BILL MAHOOD vs. BOBBY SOUTHWORTH: Mahood had a cup of coffee in the UFC and in Bodog. Southworth was a villian on TUF 1 and has stunk up Strikeforce for eternities. Supposedly, he might be on the next TUF. How sad.

Clinch, Mahood drops for the guillotine, Southworth is in half guard, throws some shots, Mahood breaks a rib, cries some, fight is over, Southworth is nonplussed, the fans think it sucks. (2)

8) MATT LEE vs. JORGE MASVIDAL: Poor Lee: Has no idea what is to happen here.

Masvidal doesn't totally outclass Lee standing: That I am shocked about. He takes down Lee, but Lee's back up quickly. Wow! Oh, but Lee eats some elbows and punches in the clinch, and goes down in a heap. Oh well. (2)

9) CLINT CORONEL vs. BILLY EVANGELISTA: Evangelista is a guy Strikeforce loves. Clint Coronel is a dude who trains with Frank Shamrock and should be at 135/145.

Evangelista stalks Coronel around in the first. He doesn't know how to cut off the cage at all, and gets cut on his eye by a shot. No really solid exchanges. Second round is more active with Evangelista looking more wild with his attacks and Coronel countering. Evangelista controls the pace with his low kicks, which are almost never checked. A close round I gave to Evangelista. Final round starts close, but Coronel begins to let the leg kicks slow him. When Billy Evangelista finally shoots, Coronel is totally unprepared. He does scramble up in the final 30 seconds but in his attempt to gain victory is tagged with stronger shots by Evangelista. Its a split decision that Evangelista is given. Mixed reaction from the crowd to the news of the winner. (1)

10) ADAM LYNN vs. JOSH THOMSON: Thomson just fought Gilbert Melendez in a great rematch, and this for him was a tuneup against a nobody.

Lynn shoots and Thomson defends. Okay, look, let's make this brief. Lynn is a game guy but wants none of Thomson standing at distance and in close, he's not effective either. He can't get down Thomson and ends up getting his clock cleaned with a right hand while clinching that drops and essentially finishes him. Nothing to get excited about. (2)

11) JOE RIGGS vs. EUGENE JACKSON: Jackson was a guy I thought was a gold medal wrestler. That guy I confused him with? Appeared on my TV coaching Iowa State's wrestling team. Thank you to Cory and Chris Henderson for setting me straight. This Jackson fought under Militech's tutelage when that meant something. Riggs is famous as a fat man who lost tons of weight and has his nickname tattooed on his torso.

Riggs lands a left hand that hurts Jackson, goes for a rear naked choke and transitions to an armbar, Jackson defends, but ends up on his back again. Riggs rides his back, Jackson turns over into mount, and is bashed out. Ugly fight. (2)

12) GILBERT MELENDEZ vs. TETSUJI KATO: Kato was a fighter from Shooto with a 19-7 record coming in. Melendez was an undefeated phenom of sorts with wins in PRIDE against big, big names. On New Years Eve, he'd lose to Ishida, the first of two major defeats in a 6 month span.

Melendez goes for the takedown immediately, but Kato defends it well. Melendez is getting real low when he looks to strike and shoot, and throws some solid right hands, even if its more athleticism than technique. One of the blows drops Kato, and while he climbs the cage and gets up again, Melendez controls the standup for the remainder of the round, plus has points built from a ground and pound assault. 10-9 Melendez.

Melendez is still outboxing Kato and looks to get him down to the mat to further dominate. Kato is a decent grappler, though, and shrugs off some of the shots. Melendez is very obviously setting up nothing but 1-2 combinations, and they trade briefly, only for Kato to break off the exchanges and shake his right hand. Yikes. Kato has suffered a ton of cuts in the last round or so, having broken his nose and suffering lacerations over both eyes. He recieves some attention from the doc in this round, further importing Melendez's domination to the judges.

Kato has made it to the final round, much to my surprise. He is taken down to half guard briefly, but is able to climb the cage and separate. Melendez overcommits to a strike and Kato briefly secures some control of the back from a standing position, but is unable to drag down Melendez. Melendez does get tagged with some left hooks by Kato late in the round, seemingly showing a weakness later exposed fully by Thomson in their first fight. Melendez wins all three rounds and retains his then perfect record. (4)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Coronel/Evangelista

KO OF THE NIGHT: Masvidal/Lee

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Millis/McWilliams

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 4 out of 10. Kato was game and so was Coronel, and they brought out some bright spots against then undefeated fighters in an otherwise terrible card on paper. Some interesting stars and notables taking part in fights here. I must admit: I tried watching the webcast live some 3 years ago and fell asleep.

D&R Rating: 28% (17/60)

Maximum Fighting Championship 23: 12/4/09

Another MFC show is now long in the books. With each set of fighter releases by the UFC, they seem to get stronger and stronger, picking up more and more solid but unspectacular fighters to face off against one another. That is obviously present in the matchmaking here: Jason McDonald/Solomon Hutcherson is the co-main, and the main is a bout between two BJJ masters in Thales Leites and Dean Lister.

1) JOE CHRISTOPHER vs. JESSE JUAREZ: Some dudes who are welterweights.

Christopher pulls guard early in this fight and instantly, one must wonder what he even thinks his chances are. Juarez is in a great deal of trouble during a toehold attempt that some terrible refereeing allows him to escape from by basically going through the ropes. Ah, Pancrase style breaks. Except that's not actually legal. From then on, Christopher has issues. He continues to push for leglocks and takes strikes to the face, then is pushed into the corner and is hit with more. Juarez ends the round riding Christopher's back, having cut him with an elbow. Round two is more of the Christopher-trying-to-fight-on-the-ground show, and it ends about as well. Matter of fact, so is round 3. Juarez dominates this fight by defending Christopher's attempts to take dominant positions, riding the guy most of the fight, and hitting him a lot. Unanimous decision for the journeyman Juarez. (0)

2) DWAYNE LEWIS vs. MARVIN EASTMAN: Eastman is starting to get real old now. Lewis is some doofy white guy.

Eastman takes down Lewis early and is in the full guard. Ref moves this to center, and Eastman just lays there throwing some shots. Ref eventually stands these guys up, and to no one's surprise, they clinch. What is surprising is what happens next; they push each other around a little bit, and then Lewis lands a few uppercuts in the clinch. Eastman goes down and Lewis keeps trying to hit him while the referee tries to stop him. Eastman's chin is all shot to pieces. Lewis wants to fight Rob Macdonald, by the way. (1)

3) ART SANTORE vs. BRYAN BAKER: Baker is a WEC vet. Santore is a vet of everything. I mean everything.

I'm not gonna bother doing play by play because, frankly, no one is going to read it for this. Lots of wild standup throughout the fight; Baker is dropped in the first round with a left hook, later throws down Santore after catching a kick and cuts him badly with strikes on the ground. Santore goes for submissions and catches shots to the head. The second nearly doesn't happen due to the cut, but Santore continues to soldier forward and there's tons of back and forth standing. Santore seems to land more early on in the second but is only able to throw arm punches; as the round continues, he ends up getting plastered with punches and drops his mouthpiece. The third starts wild with swinging but eventually falls into a routine of Baker landing more effective blows (even sidekicks) as Santore is gassed but full of heart. Baker wins a wide decision in an entertaining fight. (2)

4) EMANUEL NEWTON vs. RYAN JIMMO: Jimmo lost on TUF a long time ago, Newton never got that far. Here they fight.

Tenative standup to start the fight; Newton jumps in with a combo and clinches, eventually getting a takedown. Jimmo gets back up. Newton again with a trip, and Jimmo is up again. They clinch till the bell. Next round; Clinch all round long. Third round: Clinch, clinch, Jimmo lands a high kick (sorta), Newton clinches again. They do trade a little more, and then they clinch again. Ugly, slow, boring fight that Jimmo wins on account of him throwing some dinky slaps in the clinch. (2)

Before the next fight, highlights are shown of the evening's earlier attractions, including one fight cancelled after someone hurt themselves getting in the ring. Hilarious.

5) JASON MACDONALD vs. SOLOMON HUTCHERSON: Middleweight bout that will, supposedly, give some clarity to MFC's less than thrilling scene at 185.

Macdonald gets a takedown and moves to full mount. This looks ugly. He works a triangle from top control and Hutcherson rolls and then slams his way out. When back on the feet its a clinch that MacDonald singles his way out of, straight to top control. Hutcherson sweeps to half guard, but himself ends up reversed, gives up his back, then is nearly armbarred as the round ends. Hutcherson lands a hard shot that drops Macdonald early in the second and lands some GnP as he tries to sweep to side control. Macdonald gets and elevator sweep, takes Hutcherson's back, and hangs in with a body triangle for awhile before transitioning to the mount/side control and a arm and head triangle choke that doesn't close the show when the bell rings.

After two rounds of escapes from Hutcherson, Hutcherson again drops Macdonald in the third and follows him down...straight into giving his back. Hutcherson turns into full mount instead, bucks out, and is on top. No action occurs, a ref standup happens, and Hutcherson's big chance standing is present again. Macdonald hurts him with a punch, shoots, Hutcherson defends, ends up on top, and Macdonald works rubber guard as the round ends. Clearly, this is Macdonald's fight. Except it ends as a draw. What? (2)

6) DEAN LISTER vs. THALES LEITES: Two former UFC stalwarts against one another after being cut from the promotion. Excitement? A BJJ war? No. Of course not.

Lister shoots the single, pulls guard, and Leites passes to side control, then stands up. Leites then decides to make this a standup fight, with Lister being totally useless standing and getting hit with low kicks. WAIT, DOOT DOOT DOOT NEWSFLASH: They added up the cards wrong and MacDonald won. Oh, isn't that nice. This fight? Oh, well, Lister pulls guard a lot and does nothing when he's on his back. When its standing, Leites lands low kicks. Lister gets cut by an elbow in the third. Terrible fight. Leites wins a UD. (4)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Santore/Baker

KO OF THE NIGHT: Eastman/Lewis

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: N/A

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 3.5 out of 10. So sick of MFC shows; Never live up to whatever low hope you have for them.

D&R Rating: 36%

ULTIMATE GLORY Anniversary (10/17/09)

This is a mixed event held at Amsterdam's Central Rail station. How about that? I'll review only the MMA bouts.

1) HANS STRINGER vs. NILS VAN NOORT: At 205. Stringer is the more well known of the two, having been in the European circuit for awhile.

Van Noort goes for a takedown, ends up on the bottom, but does sweep. And then he is in a triangle. (0)

2) Krista Fleming/Titiana Van Polanen Petel: Women's kickboxing. Doesn't count. Went full 5 under MT rules and Petel clearly won. Fleming was more attractive going in; does that count?

3) JASON JONES vs. HRACHO DARPINYAN: Another light heavyweight bout. This features a guy I've seen an inordinate amount of in Jason Jones from his M-1 bouts.

Jones rushes in and Darpinyan wants a takedown in the clinch. Then there's a low blow to Jones, and we start over. Jones lands a left in that exchange and Darpinyan is DOWN~ and takes a lot of hammerfists, but no, this is not mercifully over. Instead, Darpinyan, while mounted, gets out of that bad spot momentarily, surviving only to be mounted again. He again escapes, and in doing so tries to kick Jones on the ground, hitting him in the head. More importantly, there's a toe in the eye, and chaos for awhile as Jones recovers. The inevitable restart of the longest first ever has Jones with the takedown.

Second round! Darpinyan goes for an Armenian Hiptoss (that is to say, a hiptoss performed by an Armenian) but ends up on the bottom, like Van Noort did in the prior MMA contest. Jones is on top pretty much the entire round, either in full or half guard, until we finally get Darpinyan to do something (a sweep) which leads to him getting beaned with some punches at the bell. Third is no better: Jones with the takedown, Jones with the mount, Jones there virtually the entire round. Darpinyan does nothing but survive. Jones with the UD. (1)

4) Halim Issaoui vs. Ali Gunyar: K-1 rules, 165lbs. Doesn't count. Good fight though. Lots of action. I and the judges gave it to Gunyar for superior kicking.

5) TOMMY DEPRET vs. VINCENT LATOEL: Nothing fight between nothing fighters at 155.

Trading shots early, though mostly single punches. Latouel is hurt, tries for a take down, ends up getting beat up a little. He scrambles up to his feet, and gets thrown down to the mat again for more beatings. Latoel gets back up and lands a couple punches at the end of the round, only to get taken down and almost KOed with a punch as the bell rings. Seconds seals it: Depret sprawls out on a takedown attempt and secures a guillotine. (0)

6) Anderson Silva (the OTHER one) vs. Stefan Leko: K-1 rules. Leko was good a long time ago, now his stomach hangs over his shorts with the saddest muffin top. Silva abuses him, eventually stopping him in the second. Anderson Braddock Silva looks interesting for sure.

7) NIKOLAI ONIKIENKO vs. VALENTIJN OVEREEM: Onikienko's first fight of the year, and its not incidental. How many Valentijn Overeem comebacks must the world endure?

Overeem comes in strong and takes down Onikienko. Too bad Onikienko lands a left hand as Valentijn comes in. That breaks his nose and forces an end to the fight as he quits for the billionth time. (1)

8) Errol Zimmerman vs. Wendell Roche: K-1 rules. Roche gave a good account of himself in this slugout that Zimmerman needed an overtime round to win.

9) RODNEY GLUNDER vs. DION STARING: Both ancient names in Euro MMA. One better than the other.

Staring with a takedown, pass to side control, Kimura. Sounds fast, actually took like 3 minutes. (0)

10) Hesdy Gerges vs. Ruslan Karaev: K-1 rules, infamous mismatch. Karaev is going to the K-1 World Grand Prix and ends up enduring incredible battery at the hands of Gerges, another guy who's lost to Anderson Braddock Silva. Leg kicks demolish Karaev, who somehow stays vertical even as his head bounces around the ring like a pinball off the flippers of Gerges' left and right hands.

11) ROBERT JOCZ vs. SIYAR BAHADURZADA: Jocz is a grappler and Bahadurzada is a kickboxer, really, with more experience too.

Jocz gets takedowns in the first and then its Bahadurzada getting them in the second and third. Little damage is done by anyone in any of these scenarios, and apart from a kimura in the first round by Jocz, no one even comes close to finishing. Bahadurzada wins a dull fight. (1)

12) ALISTAR OVEREEM vs. TONY SYLVESTER: A bizarre matchup. Sylvester is a vet of YAMMA. Overeem is, well.

Overeem just bombs the chunky white guy out with strikes and finishes with the guillotine. Was that the predetermined finish? (3)

13) Semmy Schilt vs. Alexey Ignashov: A K-1 rules bout that would have mattered more 3 years ago. Schilt in a shutout; classic control of distance from Semmy en route to what seems like his billionth win the last 4 years.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Issaoui/Gunyar

KO OF THE NIGHT: Silva/Leko

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Staring/Glunder

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 6 out of 10. Waste of Overeem, but expected with the event. Kickboxing was better than the MMA by miles. As an MMA event, it does poorly.

D&R Rating: 17%

M-1 Breakthrough (8/28/09)

I've not stopped with this; Oh no. There will be more to document so that I can toss away these notebooks I store my thoughts in for future analyzing fun action. Or whatever other OCD reasoning I have for trying to keep record of this stuff. This show is a fairly short one eminating from somewhere in Kansas City. Venue isn't that important. I'm sure its listed on Sherdog.

1) DAISUKE NAKAMURA vs. FERRID KHEDER: One thing about old King of the Cage shows is that they would have these wild claims about any Japanese fighter that came over as part of their talent trade with PRIDE (one that worked, unlike the UFC's- go figure). Like, that Daijiro Matsui and Alexander Otsuka had to be good because, hey, the Japanese would never send over a representative that wasn't. Matsui is now forgotten and Otsuka is remembered as having the worst records in MMA history for a guy who fought almost entirely in major promotions.

I say this to preface Nakamura because he is hyped entering here as being good. To be fair, he is not bad, which is better than Matsui or Otsuka. Following his loss to Vitor Ribero in Cage Rage, he actually rattled off 8 consecutive wins; a shocking amount given that prior to that he was effectively a .500 fighter. The opposition was less than stellar, however. Hideo Tokoro was the high point - the low is tough to determine. Racist Stereotype Andy Ologun? The 0-7 Carlos Valeri? Who knows. His opponent on this night is Ferrid Kheder, who comes in 10 lbs over the lightweight limit and loses some cash as a result. He's fought everywhere from Brazil to Belgium, and Costa Rica to Canada. Truly, a journeyman for our times.

Tenative stand up opens the bout, and after a clinch, its Nakamura leading Kheder to the corner and....that's most of the round. Its slow going. When there's separation, Nakamura seems to land more shots like jabs and low kicks because he throws at all. Nakamura lands a few right hands late in the round and he's not even pretending to defend anymore. Kheder leads a comeback early in the 2nd as he starts throwing the left hook, and Nakamura responds with a flying armbar attempts. Kheder defends it well and stands. Nakamura still won't hold his hands up, and a combination of punches and kicks sweeps him off his feet. He scrambles up, gets tagged, tries for another flying armbar (which is like going for nothing but fake field goals when you're out of range for the kicker anyways), and isn't successful. Nakamura lands a right hand, but probably loses this round.

Third and final round: Nakamura is landing much more solidly as the bout turns into a boxing match. A right hand-low kick combo forces Nakamura to turn and give his back. He's suplexed but scrambles up again. The ref gives him a reprieve to fix tape on the glove, and we restart standing with separation. Shots ate traded, Nakamura goes for, yes, another flying armbar, and Khedar tries to lock in an arm triangle in a fast sequence near the final bell. All too little, too late for Khedar. Nakamura by unanimous decision. (1)

2) MICHAEL KITA vs. LLOYD MARSHBANKS: Marshbanks is a tank of a man. He probably weighs as much as a German Panzer. He is also 5'8''. Kita is also a big, big man. Both like the wrasslin' too.

Marshbanks catches a kick, clinches, throws a belly-to-belly, and mounts Kita. Not a good start for Kita. Kita bucks Marshbanks out and stands. Kita defends a shot and punches Marshbanks. And then he punches some more and more. Marshbanks taps for seemingly ever before the ref bothers to do anything about it. Don't hate the guy though; he just won a one night tourney in Russia. Yes! A one night tourney! He KOed Alexiy Olenik and Baga Agaev (and a Sanda fighter with a losing record) to claim the title. (1)

3) ROB BROUGHTON vs. JESSIE GIBBS: For the unofficial title of #1 super heavyweight in the world, IMO. Yeah, its a dead division. So what? In case you don't know, Broughton is a very large wrestler from the UK, a place not known for wrestlers. Gibbs is a very large kickboxer/grappler from the Netherlands.

Broughton clinches early, pushes Gibbs to corner, and Sumo has broken out. Eventually, they are separated. Gibbs trips after a low kick, and Broughton ends up on top in half guard. Gibbs isn't bad though; he sweeps with a kimura into side control, though he's eventually dragged back to half guard for the rest of the round. The second opens with Broughton again going to bring it to the mat. He shoots, there's a bodylock, drops for a single, and Gibbs removes himself from that as well. This is slow. Standup is all one shot at a time. Broughton gets a body lock, and the crowd is boing as he drags this further into the muck. This continues in the third, except that Gibbs is on top some when it does hit the mat. Terrible fight, Gibbs wins, division is still, thankfully, deceased. (1)

4) MIKHAIL ZAYATS vs. LUCIO LINHARES: Middleweight contest between M-1 regulars. Linhares recently signed by UFC; does that spoil this?

Wild punches thrown, Zayats is dropped by a punch, as he tries to rise, he's choked out. (2)

5) JOHN DOYLE vs. KARL AMOUSSOU: Amoussou has been getting lots of creme puffs lately. Here is another.

Doyle gets the takedown and is in full guard. He's throwing blows but totally ineffective when it comes to making them count. Amoussou sweeps him, full mount, punches, Doyle gives his back, and its a rear naked choke. That's a KOTC standard minus needing to sweep to get on top to start with. (1)

At this point, the big selling point for the show, a Judo/Sambo exhibition with Mousasi and Fedor, commences. Its mildly interesting for rolling around.

6) "KING" MUHAMMAD LAWAL vs. MARK KERR: So many things to say. Lawal is a rising star. Furthermore, here is something for you to chew on (since the source is not likely to see me writing this, much less anyone else): Kerr is a late replacement for Don Frye, as a lot of people know. Frye was originally booked but actually cancelled over money issues. Lawal was offered actual opponents to take Frye's place, but responded saying he was taking the fight because he wanted to fight a tomato can. Enter Mark Kerr. The one time surest of sure things was briefly kept out of fighting in this recent comeback attempt when an apparently heart issue showed itself during an EKG during licensing for a fight in Connecticut. The card there was scuttled as a result, and Kerr was even more damaged than before. He's still trucking along here though.

Mo shoots a single, slams Kerr, and then punches his lights out. Pathetic. Kerr then admits its probably time for a new profession. Really? (2)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Nakamura/Kheder

KO OF THE NIGHT: Kerr/Lawal

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Doyle/Amoussou

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2.5 out of 10. As far as actual fights go, pretty lousy. The exhibition was nice, but irrelevant. Mark Kerr fighting on a card in this decade guarantees it a low score.

D&R Rating: 27%

ULTIMATE FIGHTER 9: THE POST

Want to know what happened at Ultimate Fighter? NOW YOU WILL. Minus the shit where they threw feces at each other, of course. IN ORDER OF TELEVISION....UH...TELEVISING:

UK PRELIMS:

1) Gary Kelly/Andre Winner: Clinch, Winner overpowers Kelly with strikes, takes him out inside 2 minutes. Kelly completely overmatched.

2) Jeff Lawson/James Bryan: Lawson with judo throw, GNP, pass to half guard/side control, eventually transitions to armbar. No challenge.

3) Che Mills/James Wilks: Mills drops Wilks with punches, but gets his leg caught in a heel hook. Mills was favored to win the whole show!

4) Martin Stapelton/Dan James: Stapleton is better standing than James and on the mat. Mount, GNP, James gives the back, and its RNC time.

5) AJ Wenn/Ross Pearson: Clinch early, Pearson with the takedown, but Wenn gets back to his feet. He throws some knees in the clinch, but gets slammed back down. Wenn is good at getting up though. And then being slammed again. Pearson is just flat out stronger. Wenn is hurt by a knee to the body at the end of the round. Second round starts with a 1-2 from Pearson and Wenn drops. He's pounded out.

6)Tommy Maguire/Nick Osipczak: Maguire with the takedown, pass to half guard, and Osipczak is out the back door. Maguire goes for the guillotine and pulls guard, but Nick is out and throwing elbows. He stands out of the guard, and then proceeds to pick apart Maguire standing with good boxing. Actually my favorite performance.

7) Alex Reid/Dean Amasinger: All three rounds are not shown, but Amasinger gets a decision.

8) James Bateman/David Faulkner: Bateman with an early takedown, but Falkner is back up quickly and is throwing knees. He shoots for a single and is successful with th takedown. He throws some punches, forces Bateman to try and shift out and ends up grabbing a leg for a submission.

US PRELIMS:

9) Mark Miller/Kevin Knabjian: Miller has better hands, Knabjian is off balance the entire time. Maybe that is what they call "unorthodox striking" now? He's bleeding from the mouth too. Second round Knabjian throws a right hand that drops Miller and follows him down, then goes for a leglock. Miller escapes and starts throwing wildly. Its effective though, because Knabjian is terrible, and he lands an uppercut that stuns his opponent and leads to a wild flurry and stoppage.

10) Richie Whitson/Paul Bird: No idea who these dudes are. Richie is hella redheaded. Bird grabs the takedown, Whitson gives the back, but escapes, throws a release german, Bird returns with a head kick, and ITS ON. Bird is cut, panicking, and getting tired. He can't get the takedown midway through the first, and Whitson is in the drivers seat. Bird tries an armbar in desperation, and eats nothing but shots as a result. Whitson wins by rear naked.

11) Waylon Rowe/Santino DeFranco: DeFranco had a brain injury that kept him off TUF 2. Usually, brain injuries mean you don't get a license for boxing, but Nevada feels different about MMA, it seems. Rowe with a takedown, lots of shots, and DeFranco is lucky for once that its Mazzagatti allowing him to get bombed on. This is because the entire final 3 minutes is him defenselessly taking shots. He lands a desperation knee on a shooting Rowe at the start of the second, hurts him, takes the back and gets a rear naked choke.

12) Steve Berger/Jason Pierce: Berger is a well known journeyman. He is also terrible.

We only see clips, and Pierce wins after apparently being dominated by the clips. Huh?

13) Cameron Dollar/Tom Hayden: Dollar is indicative of every hypermacho douche that participates in this sport. He wins with a rear naked choke after getting his ass beat for a round and a half.

14) Damarques Johnson/Ray Elbe: Ray Elbe and Johnson are respected journeymen. That is as much as can be said. Johnson gets a takedown after some uncomfortable standup, eventually stops it with strikes from that position.

EPISODE 3:

15) Kiel Reid/Frank Lester: Lester is dropped early with a right hook, gets pinned against the cage in half guard. He is nearly caught in a guillotine and fights out to his feet. Reid tries to slam Lester and Lester holds the arm and...oops, Reid knocked himself out. Frank Lester, ladies and gentlemen.

16) Jason Dent/Rob Browning: When I heard Jason Dent was on this show, I knew he would A) succeed B) discredit it by being there. I was right about both. Browning expends a lot of energy early because he is a testosterone driven imbecile and eats an uppercut shooting. He turtles up and takes way too many punches. He does tell Dana he'll be ready at 135. Scintillating.

EPISODE 4:

17) Nick Osipczak/Mark Miller: Sloppy show from both with Miller gassed after 5 minutes. Osipczak switches stances a lot and gets caught early in the fight, but Miller isn't able to repeat it again when it counts. It looks like Miller even taps in the first to a guillotine. Doesn't matter: His face meets Osipczak's shin and he's asleep in the second.

EPISODE 5:

18) Andre Winner/Santino DeFranco: Lots of low kicks. DeFranco's shots are stuffed, Winner throws the jab, even if its the cardinal mistake of one at a time. DeFranco finally pulls guard, Winner defends the armbar, and he hurts DeFranco with a single right hand. You think a dude who's brain needed surgery might have some chin issues? At least they gave Barrera a steel plate.

19) Demarcus Johnson/Dean Amasinger: Amasinger knows he is overmatched, but throws the low kick anyhow. Johnson returns. Amasinger with a bad takedown attempt, Johnson with an epically slow triangle attempt that elicits memories of the second season's heavyweights, and we have a winner.

EPISODE 6:

20) Martin Stapleton/Cameron Dollar: Bad standup by dudes who can't stand, Dollar with a takedown, back control, a body triangle, and a rear naked.

21) James Wilks/Frank Lester: Wilks gets a easy fight after beating Mills. Lester just runs the whole time, but drops Wilks with a left hook. Wilks goes for the leg and that forces Lester back on the defensive. Lester immediately with a takedown after escaping; another leg lock attempt (this one sloppier) also fails by Wilks. Lester then thinks he might have a submission game, but he doesn't. No shock there. Trading! Lester is winning! Wilks pushes him to the cage and then down on the mat. Lester loses teeth. I guess there was a bet about this or something. Wilks is much more intelligent in the second, using the jab to set distance and eventually clinches to put Lester onto the back foot again. Some dirty boxing sets up a takedown, but he lets Lester up. He throws him down again a short time later, goes to mount, and armbars the poor guy.

EPISODE 7:

22) Ross Pearson/Ritchie Whitson: Clinch early on, and Whitson holds his own. Key moment of the fight is a knee to the head on the mat that cuts Whitson: he never really recovers after restarting, and gets taken down and choked out.

EPISODE 8:

23) Jason Dent/Jeff Lawson: Maybe the two best lightweights in the house? How sad. Tenative standup leads to Lawson jumping in, giving the back and rolling for a kneebar. Dent escapes but its basically a sweep with Lawson on top. Dent keeps the guard closed looking to stand. The ref doesn't help: Lawson does just enough, passes to mount (and gets put back in full guard), landing shots here and there. He's tired by the end of the first.

Dent comes forward in round two, and Lawson shoots. He's way slow now though, and Dent is shrugging them off. Dent gets clipped with a few bad low kicks, catches Lawson coming in, and wins with a head and arm choke. Sad.

EPISODE 9:

24) Frank Lester/David Faulkner: Lester is back after someone dropped out. I forget who and don't care. Its slow to start with jabs and low kicks. Then there is trading and trading and more trading and its KOTC level at best. Faulkner eventually loses because he gasses and won't get up for the third. Lester is all beaten up and looks like shit but gets to move on and lose again.

EPISODE 10:

25) Nick Osipczak/Damarques Johnson: The winner for "fight that happened way too early in a guy's career" award for this season. Osipczak was ready to drop after the first round. He showed nothing but heart against a more experienced fighter who looked like he had a modicum of talent, being beaten up the entire last 2 rounds on the mat and standing. The corner should have stopped it. No reason to do this to a kid.

EPISODE 11:

26) Cameron Dollar/Andre Winner: Dollar is swinging early and getting countered huge. He shoots and Winner has none of it. Ends up getting tapped from a topside triangle. Yikes.

27) Jason Dent/Ross Pearson: Pearson is bigger and faster, better standing too. Dent does make a good punching bag and ends up doing so repeatedly in the round. He'll make his comebacks here and there but not much beyond that. Good pace to the fight too. Dent lands but can't hurt Pearson; big problem. Pearson then is able to do what he wants throughout the fight; takedowns, dominating the standup, forcing forwards, taking dominant position, so on, so forth. He wins every round en route to a unanimous decision.

EPISODE 12:

28) James Wilks/Frank Lester: Wilks has to fight Lester AGAIN. Oh jeez. Wilks is more methodical this time around and Lester isn't exactly rushing to engage either. Lester is looking to time Wilks and has pockets of success. His best weapon is the left hook and it happens to be the only thing he throws the whole round. Wilks is circling the right way now away from the hook of Lester and it starts to get ugly as the second progresses. Knees, punches, dirty boxing, eventually Lester drops in the third and the ref stops it.

Fight of the Season: Dent/Pearson

KO Of the Season: Osipczak/Miller

Submission of the Season: Winner/Dollar

Overall: No score. Easily the worst season of Ultimate Fighter yet, right up there with Season 6.

SHOXC (9/20/08)

It occurred to me that I never did put up my reviews of Rumble on The Rock's last three shows on their boxed set. I mention this for no particular reason. Really is unfortunate that I didn't do so. What I will say, however, is that the highs quickly receed. Rumble on The Rock 7 is downright horrid. If I ever find my notes, I would be glad to not rewatch them.

In the meantime, here is a review literally a year in the making. I originally didn't set for a long enough recording time with this event, so I was glad to rerecord it months later, where it sat on my DVR until last month. It was purged, against my will, by the DVR itself in the Great Spanish Language Purge of 2009. But alas, I have notes.

This show was the last ShoXC event ever televised, and eminated from Chumash Casino in California. The planned main event was Bao Quach/Wilson Reis for a 140lb belt that EXC was to promote, but Quach was injured and in steps the KOTC champ at the weight, Abel Cullum. Joining this bout was an array of B-list stars.

1) MATT MAKOWSKI/ERIK APPLE: Apple drops the headset and heads back in. Bless his soul. Makowski beat Nick Serra in an embarassing fight you should never want to see.

Makowski gets the first takedown on a caught kick, but gets swept. Apple attempts a few kimuras and straight armbars inside the guard, which would be more effective if he was outside of it. Makowski does try for some submissions off his back, but doesn't pull off any. All Apple's round. Apple shoots to start the second and Makowski defends with the guillotine. Apple pulls out his head, and prevents a repeat of the prior round by passing to mount, punching until Makowski gives his back, and ending this with that old chestnut of chokes, the rear naked. Erik Apple is....doing something right now. (1)

2) GIVA SANTANA vs. JAMIE JARA: I love Jamie Jara. I love Giva Santana. I will love this fight.

There's tenative standup as Santana is terrible and Jara is terrified of Santana's grappling. Jara lands a punch and Santana shoots and is successful. Jara tries to spin out, but Santana is holding him back, and then gets the mount. Jara gives the back and returns to mount and eats punches before scrambling to his feet. Santana reintroduces Jara to the mat shortly afterwards. Not the finest round for the tattooed one.

The second sees Santana pretend to strike before attempting to clinch. Jara is smart enough not to let himself be pulled into the guard and gets out and back to his feet. He lands shots but instinctively clinches, which is all wrong. Santana drops for the leg, Jara pushes out, and he's back up and striking. Santana, being old, was not prepared to fight more than 5 minutes, and its showing on his face and with his movement. Jara, meanwhile, is old but crazy, and this difference means that he's capable of continuing to scrap. As the round moves on, more punches land for Jara, and he's more willing to clinch with a less effective Santana.

The bell for the final round tones and we're off to the races with Jara giving a lesson in dirty boxing in close and tattooing (ironically) the middle aged Brazilian with punches at distance. Santana is throwing body kicks, which sound better than they are effective. He's shooting and coming up short. Jara might be cut, but its largely superficial. At the end of the round, Jara runs out of gas suddenly and Santana catches a second win, causing him to pursue a striking attack. Jara wins the round on my card and ends up with the split decision. Fans are equally split. (3)

3) MALAPEIT TEAM DIAMOND vs. DAVID DOUGLAS: Douglas is nicknamed Tarzan, speaks in bizarre tones, and trains with the Diaz brothers. Malapeit is Malapeit. I will love this fight.

Douglas rushes Malapeit at the start and grabs a takedown, Malapeit scrambles, and its time to get crazy. Dudes are getting thrown, Douglas is windmilling like its a Strife show, Malapeit is crushing Douglas with right hands and the dude just won't totally die. I won't bother giving play by play because its ridiculous and wild. Malapeit clearly wins the round with kicks and punches and everything imaginable. This trend continues in the second and Douglas looks like he will be stopped with leg kicks as Malapeit is controlling distance and just bombarding him with then. BUT~ Douglas snatches a leg, shoots, moves to mount, and starts bombing away as the round ends. The third has Malapeit throwing a flying knee, Douglas getting a takedown, landing about 300 punches, forcing a stop, and then giving a surreal interview. All out war reminiscent of Rollins/War Machine skillwise, but better (3)

4) CARL SEUMANUTAFA vs. SHANE DEL ROSARIO: Del Rosario is a much loved prospect. The other guy is Samoan and fat.

Samoan guy shoots, throws Del Rosario and then lays on him. Del Rosario mixes it up by trying a submission, but Seumanutafa slams out and escapes to north/south and an armbar attempt. Del Rosario escapes that and rolls the Samoan into full guard, who sweeps and...okay, "positioning battle". Nothing is landed. Seumanutafa wins the first. He tries to shoot a bunch in the second, gets stuffed, eventually is hit as he tries to go for some Superman punch/shot combo and goes down like a sack of shit. Del Rosario wins and is now beating up scrubs in M-1 Challenge. (2)

5) ABEL CULLUM vs. WILSON REIS: When I originally recorded this show, the recording of this fight ended in the second and it looked so awesome. And watching the full version? Not as awesome.

Lemme give you the short version of what happens: Reis wins every round. He takes down Cullum, Cullum is on his back defending submissions and getting hit. He never mounts any sustained offense, and Reis always comes out of scrambles in a better position and always seems to improve his position. Its like that first Noguiera fight with Herring; Herring became everyone's favorite heavyweight because he played defense the whole time and did alright at it. That's what Cullum does here. When in the Dream tourney, his skill level was exposed. Elite fighters don't lose to Hideo Tokoro. Meanwhile, Reis has a similar issue: He was supposed to win that Bellator tourney, and instead gets beat by Joe Soto. Oh well. (3)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Douglas/Malapeit

KO OF THE NIGHT: Douglas/Malapeit

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Apple/Makowski

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 6.5 out of 10. Not as good as I remembered it to be, but there's a middle section of fights here that's damn fun to watch, even if it isn't wildly important.

D&R Rating: 48% (12/25)

Note: That's the new record for one of these shows, and I hate to say it, but its almost nondeserved. Look, lots of good fights are one thing but none of these stand out. Plus, if you had to see the untelevised stuff, it would probably fall to a 20%. But, this is what it is. To that end, I do admit that its the best of the ShoXC shows and way better viewing than some of the recent efforts.

Ring of Combat XX1 (9/12/08)

I have no idea how long ago I watched but I think it was a very, very long time ago. The notebook the review was in? Not touched in months.

Ring of Combat has, by this point, moved to a cage which they seemingly have plopped down on a 20ft ring mat. Still in Jersey. 100% less Gracies that ROC 18.

1) JOSE RODRIGUEZ vs. MARC STEVENS: A welterweight contest between nondescript opposition.

Stevens won all three rounds on my scorecard. Running theme for this bout is that Stevens wants the takedown and Rodriguez wants to be upright. In the first round, Rodriguez manages only a knee, some weak punches, and a guillotine attempt that fails. In the second, he at least manages to go for a leglock that gets him on top for a little while. But even that leads nowhere, and Stevens finishes the round on top in half guard with Rodriguez pinned against the cage. In the final round, Rodriguez has his most effective moments; Stevens is cut but something in a scramble and the distraction is enough time for him to be rocked and Rodriguez to follow him down to the mat with GnP. Stevens survives and ends up on top, once more, inside the full guard before the round is over. (0)

2) ANDREW RIDDLES vs. MIKE STEWART: Names sound like better fighters! But they are not. Middleweight contest.

Stewart pulls off an awesome belly-to-belly early and a suplex late in the round and those are his high points. All he wants to do is clinch and shoot, and Riddles doesn't take long to figure out this pattern. In the second he stuffs a takedown, gets mount, and forces Stewart to give up the back. Riddles is still undefeated in a division where all the wrestlers are old as hell. (1)

3) CHRIS SCHLESINGER vs. NISSIM LEVY: Records? Not good. 180lb catchweight? Ehhh.

Dudes want to wrestle, and once they start, its scramble city. Standing? Neither is any good, but it is established early that Schlesinger really doesn't want to stand with Levy during much of the first. It seems to be a ploy though; he lands a hard couple of knees at the end of the first round and drops Levy early in the second. Levy goes for his own takedown and leaves his neck out for a guillotine. Its a sad night in Little Jerusalem. (0)

4) GREG SOTO vs. DOUG GORDON: I was stoked for this thinking Soto was that dude that beat Reis in Bellator. Nah. 170lbs.

Soto shoots, pushes, and gets a takedown. He does some smashing until he is stood up, and then he does it again. That is the first round. Gordon adjusts his gameplan in the second and decides to not be taken down. A smart move for a man who wants to win. He instead forces Soto to pull guard a couple times. Well, until Soto gets him down with the double again. Gordon lacks the jitz but still tries the guillotine. Smart? Probably not. Soto does more taking down and more light punching on the mat in the third, only stopping to get bucked out of mount briefly by Gordon. Soto wins the UD and is still undefeated a year later. (1)

5) CONSTANTINOS PHILLIPOU vs. BRENDAN BARRETT: Who the fuck are these guys? I dunno. 205.

Costa with the right hand and Barrett is cut. Barrett gets a takedown and is pushing the dude with the greekest name ever all over the place. But the cut is a gusher and the fight is stopped. (0)

6) JOHN HOWARD vs. CHARLIE BRENNEMAN: Howard is still in the UFC somehow. I don't know how, but he is! Brenneman is a nobody.

Brenneman goes for takedowns, Howard tries to stand. This is the fight, in general. Sometimes Brenneman is hurt with stuff and is forced to shoot, as happens in round 1. He takes down Howard a few times in the second round while absorbing little. Howard turns the tables with a slam in the 3rd, but Brenneman turns, is out the backdoor, and takes top control again. Howard goes for subs, doesn't get anything, and Brenneman wins all 3 rounds on my card. Guess what? Howard wins. How is Howard even a mild success in the UFC? (2)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Howard/Brenneman

KO OF THE NIGHT: Barrett/Phillipou?

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Levy/Schlesinger

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 4 out of 10. I remember this event being boring as hell. None of the fighters are that good and apart from the main event being of minor interest, entirely skippable. Like a run of the mill KOTC card from a few years back.

D&R Rating: 13% (4/30)

Maximum Fighting Championship 21: 5/15/09

I know, this is late. There's a lot of late coming because I've been writing in my notebooks and not posting. But that will CHANGE, DOGG. Way more reviews to follow.

Like all MFC events, this is somewhere in Canada and features lots of TUF rejects and shit.

1) ARON LOFTON vs. MARVIN EASTMAN: This is at 185. Aron Lofton comes from Team Triton, home to some of the most hapless fighters I've ever seen.

Lofton's best blow; a low blow at the start. He does take down Eastman later in the bout but Eastman powers him over onto his back. Lofton seems like a decent wrestler when he's able to get himself up, but Eastman is a better wrestler and pushes him around. He slams Lofton near the end of the first round. Lofton jumps in with strikes and gets taken down at the start of the second, and its not much longer until elbows from inside the guard force the stoppage. Eastman wins and will undoubtedly return. (1)

2) RYAN JIMMO vs. MYCHAL CLARK: Jimmo lost to Antwain Britt in TUF prelims, who then got injured and left and then ended up losing to some nobody in DC or something. He's rebounded nicely though with 3 wins leading into this though, including one over Rick Roufus. Yes. That Rick Roufus (as if there were others!). Clark is a jobber.

Jimmo fights hella vertical: No wonder the UFC hasn't brought him back. Standup is boring too, since Clark is terrified. His best moments of the fight are a takedown which he is promptly swept from and Jimmo is into mount dropping bombs until the bell sounds. Round 2 features Clark giving up his neck for a guillotine, being taken down with a trip, getting his takedown attempts stuffed or reversed, and so on. Third round is more of the same, except that Clark goes for desperation submission attempts like the Saku Kimura and whatnot. Jimmo wins a UD and does the robot and I'm left thinking that there's a reason the UFC never bothered to call him back. (1)

3) JOHN ALESSIO vs. ANDREW BUCKLAND: Alessio is a somebody and Buckland is 8-3 against nondescript competition.

Buckland kicks a little. Alessio clinches, throws a knee to the head, and then goes for a guillotine. Buckland isn't remotely prepared for the mat with a guy like Alessio, and he ends up getting mounted, punched, and then RNCed. (1)

4) TRAVIS GALBRAITH vs. DAVID HEATH: Maybe the most pointless "major" 205 lb fight ever in any promotion.

Heath throws arm punches for combos. Does anyone wonder why he isn't in the UFC? In spite of this, the experienced Galbraith does not much other than throw some low kicks. Heath gets hit with the jab a bit but still causes Galbraith to swell up a little in spite of landing practically nothing. Heath's round in my book. Entering the second, its more of the same. Galbraith shows some flashy kicks he learned in Kempo classes that do nothing. Heath lands a combination and some jabs and they're the only effective strikes. Another round for Heath.

The final round arrives, and really it is close enough for anyone to take. They proceed to have a crap round with an eye poke and a low blow. Heath wins the round with his subpar standup and cleans up the fight in my mind. Naturally, Galbraith wins a UD. Huh? (1)

5) MIKE COOK vs. BOBBY LASHLEY: Cook comes out with a wrestling mask. You know the rest of this story.

Cook shoots on a amateur wrestler! He gets choked out! He makes sure to sell it by kicking his legs! (2)

6) TREVOR PRANGLEY vs. EMANUEL NEWTON: Newton was a guy who got a high ranking by some because he was a 205lb fighter outside the UFC. Prangley is a 185lb journeyman. WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Oh, Prangley wins.

Okay, so that's a but unfair to spoil it like that. But Newton wasn't conditioned for 5 hard rounds and it shows. Newton gets more takedowns and has better dirty boxing in the first, but from then on, its all Prangley. Prangley runs into trouble twice: he lands a low blow in the 3rd chat causes a 10-8 round, and Netwon does hurt Prangley with a punch in the 4th. Aside from that, Prangley is able to get himself out from under Newton when taken down and has superior kicks and punches to Newton's largely arm punch reliant defense. Prangley lands a high kick at the end that hurts Newton and breaks his foot simultaneously; a lucky break (oh the puns!). Prangley is your MFC light heavyweight champion. Will he ever defend? Does anyone give a fuck? (3)

KO OF THE NIGHT: Lofton/Eastman (not really a choice)

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Buckland/Alessio (ditto)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Prangley/Newton

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 5 out of 10. This is a largely forgettable event featuring what looks to be a thrown fight as its most notable contribution to MMA. Prangley winning a world title of some sort might interest someone, but 205 ain't his best weight and honestly Newton ain't all that. To be fair, it was more competitive than not even when Prangley was racking up rounds

D&R Rating: 30% (9/30)

Xtreme Cagefighting Championship: Beatdown At The Ballroom; Round 2

So I didn't record the first half of the event shown, but whatever. Local promotion tied in with King Of The Cage that runs amateur events in Michigan. Winners here move onto pro fights on the Indian land. 3 minute rounds, all fights are 3 rounds.

1) ANTONIO MORENO vs. TOMMY ADAMS : Moreno plays drums in lousy metal bands. Adams is some why guy with tribal tats. This is a heavyweight fight and both dudes are fatties, even at 235.

Adams eats a right hand as he jumps in and the fight is over in about 7 seconds. Moreno is wearing a rashguard, btw. (0)

2) DANNY MCINTYRE vs. PARRIS BOYD: Parris is some dude with some southern drawl out the hood of Mt. Clemens. McIntyre "sleeps a lot, works a little". These dudes have totally meaningless featherweight belts. And you think boxing has a problem. These guys don't even get paid!

Boyd with wild striking drops McIntyre, and then he just rains shots and jump in for an arm triangle to finish. Uhh, are there any competitive fights on this show? (0)

3) HENRY DOUGLAS vs. KYLE CHRISTIAN: Welterweights from camps I've never heard of. Michigan: Where strip mall MMA lives.

Sloppy strikes to start, and Christian is on top. He then does nothing. Standup after about a minute of that. Note: Naughty Time Novelty.com is a sponsor for this promoter. Christian shoots, goes for a double, eventually gets a takedown and into side control. The announcers wonder aloud why he would do that: Uh, to control and win the bout? Ref standup again. Both dudes just start throwing and Douglas lands the big shot. Christian gets off his back and scores a big takedown as the first round ends.

Wild swinging from both early in the second, but this time Henry lands some solid blows and shows some capability to defend takedowns. Christian eventually succeeds and is back to half guard once more. He postures up, throws shots, and Douglas gives the back. Christian takes advantage and puts in his hooks. After a prolongued defense, Douglas is choked out totally as he goes to tap. (0)

4) RASHEED LEE vs. CHARLIE COSENS: Cosens trains himself and runs a camp in Bay City. Who is this dude? Lee is from MASH. Well, at least I know who they are.

Cosens immediately shoots and is successful taking down Lee. Lee does get himself back up though, and supposedly he's better on his feet. Cosens is taking his time and actually striking halfway decently. Good leg kicks, in fact. Lee doesn't like them at all landing on his lead leg. Lee is more technical, answering with outside and inside leg kicks, and Cosens decides to use that as reason to take down Lee. Again, he gets him down, and Lee is holding onto a headlock to stabilize and get himself back up. Lee is sprawling out completely and Cosens doesn't have the athletic skill to rotate out and take Lee's back or push for the single. Lee is landing a bunch of leg kicks as the round ends.

Lee likes kicks too much. Like, he paws with front kicks. Horrible idea against a wrestler, as Charlie keeps shooting and almost getting good position. That's a guy with an okay shot. A guy with a good one will have Lee in trouble. Cosens starts to absorb a lot of kicks and punches from Lee, and he's coming up with less and less to answer with. He's swept off his feet by a leg kick, and then scissors the leg of Lee. Good answer, but he eats punches to the face and Lee pulls the leg free. Cosens is forced to his feet by the ref, and when there, it continues its ugliness. His nose is probably broken by a punch near the end, and he shoots again without dumping Lee on his back.

Charlie, for a dude who is a grappler, is terrified to pull guard when he needs to. He comes out swinging instead, and some shots are actually landing for him. Lots of dirty boxing in the first half of the round. When Cosens pushes Lee to the fence, he's unable to really do much. Meanwhile, he ends up taking some punches and a head kick. He's in a lot of trouble and Lee is able to just push him over on his back. Once there, Lee stays in guard and Cosens hip movement isn't effective. Lee lands some GnP then stands, forcing Cosens there. Winner by decision: Lee. (0)

KO OF THE NIGHT: Adams/Moreno

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Boyd/McIntyre

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Cosens/Lee

Overall: 1 out of 10. Free on TV. Other than that, pointless.

D&R Rating: 0%. No big deal though, its an amateur show, I guess.

XFC 8 (4/25/09)

XFC is a regional promotion from Florida looking to expand and looking to expand NOW. So here they are in Tennessee and its a card full of something or other! Hooooray. Guy Mezger is playing the role of Bas for Kenny Rice. Big stupid ramp with compressed air shooters.

1) CHRIS BARNETT vs. JONATHAN IVEY: Heavyweights. Barnett has a TKD background. This will come into play. Meanwhile, Ivey is the best fat man in MMA today, and the only fighter with a successful shoot Rock Bottom.

Barnett throws spinning kicks and it is glorious throughout this fight. He lands a tornado back kick but it does zero damage. Mad lulz. Ivey rolls for a couple kneebars and only comes close in round 1. Final strike stats were like 110 for Barnett and 6 for Ivey. Total domination from Barnett en route to his first pro win. He's not a bad wrestler either, but he really needs to lose a few pounds (1) for all the awesome kicks. 

2) JASON WOOD vs. DEREK SCHIFFER: Wood is from TN, Schiffer from FL. Both are 2-0, and lightweights.

Really good fight with Wood going for some wild submission attempts like an inverted triangle and Schiffer being extremely game and fighting through it. Schiffer looks like he's in control early in the second with a flying knee that breaks Wood's nose, but Wood fights through it and wins with a comeback off the overhand right. (1) for the gutty performance.

3) OMBEY MOBLEY vs. OVINCE ST. PREUX: Mobley is a standup guy; as a boxer, he's 0-2-2, with 4 fights over about a 13 year period. Light heavyweights and Mobley is debuting. St. Preux has a bunch of amateur fights supposedly and a loss to Ray Lizama. Oh geez.

Decent action in this fight, though both are, well, sloppy, amateurish, and altogether not all that good. St. Preux wins with a Calf Slicer and it looks really cool. that is the best thing to say about it. (1)

4) GERARDO JULIO GALLEGOS vs. C.T. TURNER: No idea who they are, frankly. 

Turner has a big takedown on the "high school wrestling star". Such credentials and such bad tats for Gallegos. Turner easily wins the round, taking his back and basically controlling the first. Turner is on his way to winning the fight, and then he shoots and gets caught in a guillotine in the second. Oops! Can't say I'm excited about Gallegos. (0)

5) RAFAELLO OLIVERA vs. JOHN MAHLOW: Mahlow is so mediocre its not funny.

Olivera takes down Mahlow over and over in the first and punches him a lot. Then, in the second, he takes down Mahlow over and over and punches him a lot. Mahlow tries for sloppy submissions and then gets punched in the face. Mahlow gets to be on top in the third round  and does very little with it. Then he is swept. This fight I did not care for so much. Olivera could be a serious threat if he ever learns to be a striker, otherwise he's a very poor man's Arona. (1)

6) JARROD CARD vs. BRUCE CONNORS: I really don't know these guys. Its for a 145lb title of no relevance.

Card is a good wrestler and gets a big takedown and tries for a d'arce to start, but it doesn't work, so its time for CONTROL! God, that's such a gay term. Like Connors is a sub and Card is the dom making him shave him or something. Its quite clear after the second or third takedown that this is all Card brings to the table, and luckily, Connors has no answer. In fact, when the fight is back vertical for the second, he swings wildly. Nothing else. Card then rides him down to the mat the entire round except when he is able to get Connors' back or the mount. 

Connors, however, makes an adjustment. He knows how he can win: GUILLOTINE when the opposition shoots. But the arm is in and instead all he does is build lactic acid in his muscles. So Card then beats him up a lot and nearly sinks an RNC with 10 seconds left in the third. Connors then enters Plan C, which is to be a Liddell-lite. Problem: He is gassed and throwing arm punches. Guess what happens? Card doesn't exploit his advantage and shoot, but instead blocks punches and lands the very occasional shot. With about 90 seconds left its Card landing the bombs. Connors can't win standing or on the mat, yet this drags on. I'm all about title fights at lower levels, but I'd prefer good fighters in them. The final round is anticlimactic: Connors still has nothing to give and Card refuses to take his gassed opposition down and finish the fight, instead hoping for a highlight reel KO that never comes. (1)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Wood/Schiffer

KO OF THE NIGHT: Wood/Schiffer

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Mobley/St. Preux

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2 out of 10. As bad as many bad KOTC shows. The main event was where title fights go all wrong.

D&R Rating: 16% (5/30 )

RUMBLE ON THE ROCK 6 (11/20/04)

Back to Hawaii, as I desperately try to get another boxed set out of the way. This time unlike ROTR 5 we get the opening sequence. This card? STACKKKKKED. More so than most UFNs, actually. A big opening ceremony with hula and conch shells ensues. Clearly they love their Japanese worship here. 

1) GILBERT MELENDEZ vs. KAYNAN KAKU: Kaku is a hot prospect. At this point, so is Melendez. 

Kaku's last fight saw him being all about take downs and this time Melendez is the better wrestler and submission artist. Not a good sign. Melendez with the shot and takedown, but Kaku keeps fighting to his feet until he is slammed pancake style, Melendez in the half guard. Kaku takes some shots but works his way back up and forces Melendez with strikes. Melendez gets this back down and Kaku is working for submissions in between the strikes on the mat. Good action.

Melendez comes in with right hands at the start of the round and Kaku is DOWN, but not hard. Melendez is throwing BOMBZ and passing, and then lands a mean knee to the dome. Kaku is getting raped here and you wonder what it would be like with unified rules. Kaku is constantly trying to improve his position but isn't able to do anything to stop the onslaught or provide offense of his own. Melendez eventually forces Landless to make the stop. Kaku went on to get beat up in Cage Force and Melendez is, well. (3)

2) DENNIS HALLMAN vs. ROSS EBANEZ: Both are journeymen, but on very different level.

Hallman ends up germaning Ross and locks in a RNC early. Kinda sucks that his last fight in the UFC was at middleweight to make Jorge Rivera look good. (2)

3) ANTONI HARDONK vs. WES SIMS: Oh man. SIMS. Kickboxer. This could be ugly.

Sims tries to stand up with Hardonk. Imagine how this goes. That's probably about right. Sims shoots in and he actually gets the fight down. I consider this a miracle. Even moves to half guard. Sims doesn't do that much and Hardonk sweeps him and mounts. Poor Wes Sims. Head and arm choke after a lot of punches. (2)

4) KRISTOF MIDOUX vs. MIKE MALONE: This I do not have the highest expectations for. What is with all these shitty heavyweights on this card?

Both men with FEARFUL STANDUP in the early going. Midoux is so outrageously fragile, so who knows what will happen. Big right hand after a low kick drops Malone. Sherdog has it at 34 seconds, its more like 2:00. Who cares though? (0)

5) AITOR CANUP vs. JUDA A'ALONA: Canup is from North Carolina, A'Alona is a fat Hawaiian sumo. This is listed as a light heavyweight fight and the Hawaiian is like 23o.

A'Alona tries to check a kick and gives up his back. Does that tell you what I'm watching here? A'Alona throws him off and does nothing with it. Canup starts landing knees standing and A'Alona can only sorta slap and push. He is tough and nothing else. Then there are uppercuts and then a guillotine and its over. (0)

6) SHUNGO OYAMA vs. SEAN O'HAIRE: Wow.

O'Haire obliterates Oyama with punches very quickly. Oustandingly pointless. (1)

7) YOSHIHIRO NAKAO vs. WESLEY CORREIRA: KISS VS. CABBAGE!

Nakao is looking for a takedown and Cabbage is is shoving him off early, only to suffer the indignity of a single leg takedown. I am horrified because I know this is going the distance. Nakao with some punches after a guard pass. Cabbage really isn't bothered apart from the cuts, which are multiple in number. Cabbage is taking a beating in round one by the superior Nakao: Knees are raining in and Cabbage somehow gets up. He's brought over to talk with the doctor, and the fight is restarted after he's cleaned up. Wouldn't want a riot. Nakao's mouth is open. Another single from Nakao and he drives down Cabbage. Nothing this time really and there's a standup. Nakao lands some looping right hands and Cabbage just laughs them off. Interesting tactic given that he has no offense in the entire round and both eyes are cut. 

Nakao with another takedown. Shock on my part. Not enough action for Landless and there's another standup. The corner for Nakao is pissed, and rightfully so, because he's throwing shots. Cabbage is throwing some bad leg kicks. Cabbage tries to throw punches and isn't landing anything. Nakao is actually the one landing shots. He shoots again, and Cabbage grabs the fence to stay up. He goes for a headlock and lands a knee. Another knee after a failed combination by Nakao. Nakao still throwing more punches and landing them. The crowd is going wild for Cabbage and he has only landed two knees the whole round. Everything else is bouncing off Nakao's arm. A couple punches and a knee right before the bell from Cabbage. Still, no way he won it.

Nakao shoots and Cabbage sprawls, but Nakao drives and gets it. Nakao passes to side control. The fight is stood up and we're back to what round 2 looked like: Nakao lands everything, throws almost everything, Cabbage throws one successful strike every 90 seconds and the crowd goes wild for it. Cabbage with a big knee and Nakao mocks him. Cabbage eats more right hands, his face is a mess, and you know where the scoring is going. Its a split decision, but surprising that Nakao wins for all the wrong reasons. (1)

8) KAZUYUKI MIYATA vs. ROYLER GRACIE: What a strange fight to have: Miyata is an Olympian, Royler is a legend. 

Royler with some cool leg kicks to start and then a head kick. Didn't expect that from Mr. Super Grappler. Miyata with a shot and, well, c'mon. Arm is locked by Royler, he starts moving for the triangle, and Miyata picks him up and slams him. Doesn't really escape though. Royler with an armbar attempt and another slam hurts Royler big time as he lands on his head. Royler survives and regains full guard. There's another short standup segment and then we're back to the mat as Miyata really only knows top control and Royler only really knows grappling. Another triangle attempt and Royler remembers to grab the leg to prevent the slam. Royler has the triangle in solidly by the horn sounds as he transitions into an armbar. 

Miyata tries to show off with some spinning back fist shit and eats a kick to the face. He shoots and every time it happens you laugh because you just know that sometime soon, he's gonna get caught. Finally there's a triangle and he makes sure to cheer for himself before actually releasing the hold. STAY CLASSY GRACIES. Watching stuff like this I really want to rewatch his shit getting caved in by Kid. (2)

9) TOM HOWARD vs. CARTER WILLIAMS: Williams was a K-1 fighter of some note and Howard is a pro wrestler. K-1 HERO'S USA? No, its Rumble On The Rock!

Howard goes for a takedown after Williams starts tooling him on the feet. Howard gets the takedown, mounts, and gets swept because he is crap. Williams starts landing 'dem bombs and Howard is all fucked up, groaning and shit. (1)

10) RODRIGO GRACIE vs. BJ PENN: A Gracie against fat BJ Penn. One of two such bouts to take place in Hawaii.

Clinch early and Gracie pins Penn against the cage. EXCITEMENT as the they throw knees and stuff. Gracie doing an epic job pinning Penn against the fence. Penn slips away. Rodrigo is terrible standing.  Another shot by Gracie and he is back to pushing him into the fence. Penn slips away again and throws some wild shots, but Rodrigo has the most effective blow of the right hand. Rodrigo gets tapped and pulls guard and Penn follows him down, landing some punches from half guard. Stupid move by Rodrigo that basically cancels out the round of domination with the Hawaiian judges. 

Gracie settles down a little and starts throwing a jab, but then goes for the desperate shot before pulling guard. Penn is not Oleg Taktarov and isn't KOed by followup upkicks. Right hand as Penn jumps in and he's in side control. Penn sure knows he has knees available to him: He made the rules! The camera pulls to the fights outside the cage. Gee, clearly this is more important than PENN/GRACIE IN THE CAGE. Penn pulls out of a submission attempt says the announcers and he stands and passes again. Another fight in the crowd! Still more important than the real fight! What the fuck is this? Announcers are still talking about the fight and there's apparently an amazing guard pass and WE DO NOT SEE IT. Fuck this shit.

Penn lands a short uppercut as Rodrigo shoots in and Penn is dominating with punches on the mat from dominant positions. Penn mocks him a bunch and even stands up as the round ends, taunting him to stand and trade before rushing him and trying a jumping stomp/pass. God bless BJ Penn. (5), even with the ridiculous fact that we only actually see half the second round. 

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Kaku/Melendez

KO OF THE NIGHT: Howard/Williams

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Miyata/Gracie

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 7 out of 10 - Crappy fights were generally short and the good fights were pretty long and telling. Lame camera work in the best bout. 

D&R Rating: 42.5% (17/40): This event is tied for the second highest ranking I've ever handed out, alongside the Strikeforce one night tournament event in 2007.

RUMBLE ON THE ROCK 5 (5/7/04)

Another fine cage based card from Hawaii from the onetime Strikeforce of Hawaii. Some lousy, some great, I'm sure. Mike Onozuka (?) and Ryan Bennett are announcing this night of fights. 

1) VINCE PU vs. ROYDEN DEMOTTA: Nobodies from the islands.

Demotta with a takedown early, some strikes, guard pass, more strikes, fight over. Worthless. (0)

2) JUSTIN MERCADO vs. HARRIS SARMIENTO: Sarmiento is a well known journeyman. Mercado isn't. Troy Mandaloniz is the ref.

Running story of this fight: Mercado takes a ton of punishment, especially knees in the clinch, and doesn't ever seem to be terribly hurt. Mercado goes for a bunch of half assed sub attempts (armbar from back in first, guillotine in second, RNC in third) and even with each coming increasingly close to actually finishing, in the end he didn't properly secure any of them and Sarmiento was able to escape and return to offense, winning all 3 rounds. (0)

3) SANTINO DEFRANCO vs. KAYNAN KAKU: Both guys were interesting prospects at this point in the lightweight division.

Kaku is all about takedowns, all the time. DeFranco is passable on his back and nullifies anything really damaging in the first round by utilizing the rubber guard, but he's not really getting any solid catches. As the fight rolls on, DeFranco finds himself unable to effectively take a dominant position and is pulling guard just to get the fight down in the hopes he can sweep his way there. Another unanimous decision, neither man getting to that next level. Kaku wins. (0)

BJ PENN INTERVIEW TIME: He is leaving for K-1 and he considers that a good career move. NEWS FLASH PEOPLE - BJ Penn fights for money first. Just keep that in mind.

4) MIKE ROGERS vs. JASON LAMBERT: Rogers was coming off his first two career losses to Vernon White and Alex Stiebling. Jason Lambert was not terribly known at this stage, having lost to Tim Sylvia in the Superbrawl heavyweight tournament as well as Cabbage later.

Lambert just shoving Rogers around and takes him down. After some pushing towards the fence, Rogers ends up on his back to escape punches, gives up the hooks, and punches are thrown till its over. (2)

5) KENDALL GROVE vs. JOE RIGGS: Good chance you've heard of both. 

Grove is too green and unprepared to stop a wrestler as big and strong as Riggs. Riggs gets him down and just reels back and throws some monster bombs. Grove's head rebounds off the canvas as he is knocked unconscious. Now Riggs is a cripple and Grove is a middle of the road challenger. Still, both had their moments, including Riggs' aborted welterweight title shot. (3)

MELVIN MURRAY vs. DANNY STEELE: Kickboxing match...IN THE CAGE~

Two aging kickboxers THROW DOWN. IT SHOULD END IN A KO says the ref, and it ends as a draw on the cards. Crap. Doesn't count.

6) RYAN SCHULTZ vs. RONALD JHUN: Schultz has no idea who Machine Gun Jhun is. I knew who Jhun was and I was watching 90% boxing, 10% MMA at this point in time. I also have a good idea how this goes.

Good scrappy first round that was primarily standup and Ryan Schultz actually lands a number of looping shots. Pretty good action. Second round and Jhun actually gets a trip takedown and and kinda shocked. Isn't Schultz the wrestler from Team Quest? Jhun is in half guard and trying to stay active and prevent a takedown while Schultz is hanging on for dear life. He then passes to mount and Landless steps in to stop the fight as he is blasting punches. That is....not what I was expecting. And thus great. (3)

7) TONY FRYKLUND vs. MATT LINDLAND: Fryklund is the dumbest man alive. Lindland is soulless but younger here.

Lindland with a clinch and takedown. Well, who could have expected that? Punches and elbows are thrown and Fryklund is cut. Fryklund gets this back up and Fryklund starts landing shots, which surprises me to some extent, but of course there are clinches and when that happens, he is miserable. Fryklund is looking better here than he did against Loiseau. Lindland's striking is miserable, and it never got better; no wonder he had so many troubles in Affliction. Fryklund lands some punches in the first. This is competitive. I am shocked. Fryklund with a takedown at the end of the round. Fryklund wins the first?

Second round has Fryklund try for the guillotine early and he fails and gets slammed. Fight is stopped for cuts to Lindland's face but its restarted with Lindland on top. Fryklund is cut really bad over the right eye now. Good lord, this second round lasts for a long time. Lindland clearly won it.

Lindland shoots, Fryklund stands, actually takes down Lindland, and then passes to half guard. Fryklund almost mounts him, actually. Lindland is just terrible on his back. The "lack of action" gets this fight stood up, and Fryklund is almost suplexed and holds onto the fence to stop it. Lindland takes him down again anyhow. There's a standup with only a few seconds left and Lindland again acquires the takedown. This is not Lindland's finest moment but he definitely deserved to win. (4)

8) JOHN MARSH vs. CABBAGE CORREIRA: Cabbage was in career freefall by this point. Marsh was the worst fighter I can think of outside Manny Yarborough that was both a UFC and PRIDE vet.

All standup in the first round. Cabbage is actually sorta gunshy. Marsh lands more jabs and right hands and his face is getting marked up. This is pathetic by Cabbage. The fight doesn't get better as the BJJ specialist is moving in and out and landing on Cabbage while Cabbage does nothing but mug to the crowd and let time slip away. Marsh shoots for the takedown in the second and Cabbage tries for a guillotine, but really doesn't have it in. Marsh easily breaks away and returns to what we've seen the entire fight, throwing low kicks and running. Third round is more of the same; Marsh with clunky but effective technically sound striking and Cabbage being a punching bag. A sad, shitty fight as Marsh plays Cory Spinks, and gets a shot in the UFC his next bout out. Today, Marsh lost to a modern day Oleg Taktarov. (1)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Fryklund/Lindland

KO OF THE NIGHT: Riggs/Grove

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 5 out of 10. Some names on this card highlighted by a Lindland appearance, but really it is Riggs/Grove that sorta steals the event historically. Schultz/Jhun is such a shocker given how each man has progressed since. Lots of boring, mediocre fights.

D&R Rating: 32.5% (13/40)