Ultimate Warrior Challenge (UK)13 (6/6/2010)

For the first time in awhile, its time to watch MMA from the UK! Yay! From the Tennis and Leisure Centre in Garon Park, Essex, we have this lineup of fights featuring people I have likely never heard of for my amusement. Ian Freeman is the ring announcer, which means that there are good odds that organized crime could be involved. Yay again! Josh Palmer and Pierre Guillett announcing. Lots of dudes from Storm Gym and Evolution Gym.

1) Andy Wilson vs. Chris Phillips: "Semi Pro MMA" is the billing for this with two four minute rounds at 77KG. Oh god. Apparently since this isn't a real pro fight, there are RINGS style rules.

FIGHT: Phillips Submission Rnd 1. Gets on top a couple times, eventually gets a sort of ugly mount position and has a head/arm choke against the cage that forces Wilson to tap. There was a bit of a weird standup in this fight by the ref as Phillips was in top control fresh out of looking for something from the mount. (0)

2) Will Butler vs. Sam Yinka Redin: Redin is 0-1 and Butler is 3-0. This is at least full blown "Pro MMA". Little guys.

FIGHT: Butler Submission Rnd 1. Technical submission as the ref stops it before Redin's arm explodes in a straight armbar. Butler had shot in and was stuffed, but then pulled guard and immediately went to the armbar, sweeping Redin over and getting full extension on it. (0)

3) Mathew Walker vs. Sean Childs: 73KG guys from schools I don't know in the UK. Childs has dyed red hair that is downright fluorescent.

FIGHT: Childs Submission Rnd 1. Clearly from the get go Childs is gonna dominate. He slams Walker twice, even holding him up, spinning 360 degrees, then dropping him at one point. Childs goes for a heel hook without thinking twice, because apparently its illegal in semi pro MMA here. Childs eventually locks a guillotine in standing on Walker and then like pulls guard and rolls backwards over into mount, which was pretty sweet. Fun domination. (1)

4) Tom Webb vs. Chris Stebbads: More semi pro action at 82KG. Webb is supposedly an ex boxer of some sort.

FIGHT: Stebbads Submission Rnd 2. Stebbads screws up an easy armbar from mount and transitions to a triangle at least to save face by winning soon afterwards. Webb keeps going for guillotines and ends up mounted after pulling guard for leverage. Horrible game plan. Nothing to be excited for here. (0)

5) Joe Boobyer vs. Iian Martel: Boobyer. Really. REALLY. 93KG semi pro bout. What the hell am I watching this for again?

FIGHT: Martel TKO Rnd 1. They throw out the semi pro rules as Martel drops Boobyer early in the fight as he lets him up from a takedown against the cage and then smashes him on the mat. Boobyer is like, "Hey, that's a DQ!" and no one cares. The announcer and the color guy both are from the same gym as Martel, so I'm guessing this isn't an even playing field. (0)

6) Murrey Fullerton vs. Jefferson George: Semi pro bout at 83KG. Jesus can I see someone that doesn't suck and is worthy of being paid?

FIGHT: Fullerton Submission Rnd 1. Fullerton rolls on George with the classic KOTC special and RNC finish. (0)

7) Stuart Davies vs. Dave Hardiman: 70KG fight in the PRO DIVISION. Phew. Thank god.

FIGHT: Hardiman Submission Rnd 2. Davies wears thai shorts but doesn't really kickbox. Instead dudes grapple. Davies has great position for an armbar in the first from the bottom but keeps crossing his feet and doesn't extend. He then goes to kick himself off the fence and he loses the grip and ends up having to roll for a desperation leg lock to try and save face. Hardiman gets the takedowns throughout the fight, fends off the submissions, and eventually moves to mount and gets an armbar in the second round. (0)

8) Matteo Piran vs. Alfie Slade: Pro MMA with 6-6 Italian vs. a debuting Brit.

FIGHT: Piran Submission Rnd 1. Basically a KOTC special with some uncomfortable standup, a belly to belly suplex, punching and a RNC finish. (0)

9) Panikos vs. Terry Montgomery: Yes, the dude is named "Panikos". Welterweights. Panikos has shaggy hair. He appears to use a separate conditioner. Or maybe Wen.

FIGHT: Montgomery Submission Rnd 1. You can tell moments in with Montgomery's tight standup and explosive speed that this is not going to go Panikos' way. Montgomery gets this to the mat early on when Panikos is knocked down (sorta) going backwards off balance. Montgomery goes for the mount and then ends up being sort of flipped while going for a kimura. He holds onto it and eventually forces a tap with Panikos inside his full guard. Montgomery is kinda interesting but I think he was using a lot of energy early on. (1)

10) Will Jackson vs. John Hales: 80KG fight, so middleweights I guess?

FIGHT: Hales Submission Rnd 1. Hales rolls this guy - it looks like your standard KOTC special with Hales taking the mount after a successful double leg thanks to Jackson trying to shrimp out and leaving the pass open to do so and then turning over, but Jackson does escape and gets back up. Too bad he is taken down immediately again. Hales is all over him like a wet blanket and Jackson can't even come close to getting this to half guard before a modified head and arm choke is applied. Doesn't even look like much of one - kinda like a head crank where one side of the carotid is closed off by the shoulder blade and the applying fighter's arm does the other side.

11) Tim Wise vs. Colin Macdairmaid: THE BATTLE OF SOUTHEND ON SEA - Revolution Gym vs. TSG Fight School.

FIGHT: Wise TKO Rnd 1. Man, this is ugly stuff. Dudes just throwing wild shots, eventually MacDairmaid (who is OLD) drops and Wise blasts him with punches dead in the face over and over and over again until the ref finally stops it. Just to clarify, MacDairmaid wasn't like "out cold" but more like "mouth agape and sucking wind like an asthmatic" after like 2:30. Not the sport's finest moment. (0)

12) Philly San vs. Shane Omer: San fought at Cage Rage 1. CAGE RAGE 1. But he like never fights and is listed as "independent".

FIGHT: Omer Submission Rnd 1. KOTC special. San is taken down, pounded, cut, turns over, RNC. Omer is still 5 and 0. (1)

13) Shane Kavanah vs. Andrew Tate: 84KG. These guys are debuting. Tate looks HUGE.

FIGHT: Tate TKO Rnd 1. Tate LOVES lead leg high kicks. Sure, they touch, but they do no damage. Tate gets a takedown and does nothing with it, and Kavanah gets out of it. Still, this is a pretty dominant performance. They clinch, Kavanah tries to get some separation and Tate prefers to stay in the pocket. He lands a hard right hand to Kavanah that causes him to fall to the mat and he drives another punch him to a Tate that is laid out on the mat. (0)

14) Ivan Serati vs. Shawn Lomas: Serati got in the UFC once because, hey, they needed someone to lose to Drwal. He beat Lee Hasdell in 2007 during his short lived comeback. Lomas has lost 7 fights in the last TWO MONTHS as of today. Only 2 wins in his last 13 fights and has fought 36 times in a career lasting all of about 17 months.

FIGHT: Serati Submission Rnd 1. Ends with a RNC after yet another KOTC special. Serati actually had the Gary Goodridge/Tatsu position with the wrist control behind the back and apparently decided to not kill Lomas, instead being inactive to the point where there was a standup. Didn't matter since Serati just got another double immediately. (0)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Childs/Walker

KO OF THE NIGHT: Tate/Kavanah

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Montgomery/Panikos

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2.5 out of 10. So much filler. No really great fights. Nothing even too competitive. Lots of first round finishes. But some kinda interesting prospects very early into careers.

D&R Rating: 4% (3/70)

Cage Wars 12: Nightmare (11/29/2009)

Graham Little and Jude Samuels are the chief commentators, with Jay Adams along on site for moral support (I think). This is an event review I've been dreading with good reason - its across 3 hours of TV, features no good fights, and really only one passable present day fighter in Rich Clementi. Clementi fights Chris Stringer - why? Don't know. Also, John Lober! The event is being held in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and it looks to perhaps be the last CFC show. Ever.

1) Radek Rychlack vs. Ryan Boyd: Heavyweights. Boyd is wearing a rashguard and pudgy.

FIGHT: Rychlach Submission Rnd 2. Sloppy striking everywhere, Boyd gasses in the first, and then its a slow crawl till we get a finish. Boyd finally ends up on the mat on his back and is subject to a couple keylock attempts then a RNC. Lousy to watch. (0)

2) Colin Neeson vs. Jonny McGillion: More Irish fighters at 145.

FIGHT: Neeson Split Decision. I didn't pay that much attention to this, to be honest. A lot of the fight had Neeson on the mat on top banging on McGillion. Standing it was pretty even with lots of robot arm punching. Its tough to care when neither guy is going anywhere ever. McGillion had a small gastank as well.(0)

3) Ali Maclean vs. Julien Dennis: Maclean is a CFC regular. Dennis is from France, and so I would guess he does judo and sucks. Not an indictment on judo though, for reals. Just french judoka in MMA.

FIGHT: Maclean Submission Rnd 1. Easy fight as MacLean drops Dennis early with wild strikes, and ends up locking up a d'arce after beating on Dennis awhile. He was setting up the choke for like 20 seconds. (0)

4) Ben Boekee vs. Hugh Brady: Holland vs. Ireland. Boekee is supposedly 6-0.

FIGHT: Boekee Split Decision. This can be summed up as being the most basic kind of ground battle: One guy (Brady) is a big bruiser who likes top control and prefers to ground and pound. Doesn't even care to pass or anything. The other (Boekee) has long legs and will throw submissions till the cows come home. The end result is a 3 round exciting fight between two guys not really going anywhere ever but that entertains. Boekee eats huge punches at times while Brady powers out of armbars and triangles and heel hooks all sorts of submission attempts time and time again, no matter how "done" the fight seems. (1)

5) Jorde Peute vs. Neil Seery: Holland vs. Ireland, take two. Featherweights. Peute is THE SUBMISSION WIZARD.

FIGHT: Peute Submission Rnd 2. Same exact style of fight as the preceding one. EXACTLY. Peute is a submission guy and Seery is the top control grappler trying to land shots and not get caught. Seery actually rolls Peute late in round 1 and seems to be instituting his game plan and rolling towards a win, but when the round ends, his chances are gone with them. Peute drops for a leg lock at the very start of round 2 and gets a kneebar. (0)

6) Daniel Thomas vs. Duane Van Helvoirt: Lightweights, never heard of either.

FIGHT: Thomas Submission Rnd 2.(0)

Thomas: You can't hate the guillotine he wins with too much. And yet, when he first pulls guard with it in round 1, he ends up having it escaped out of and he is immediately mounted. And then nearly triangled. Nonexistent standup. Top control grappler with not much skill.

Van Helvoirt: Gassed 2 minutes in because he had so much nervous energy. Falls into a guillotine early in the second round after nearly being tapped with one in the first round. As a submission guy, he should recognize this. Does he? Well, no. He adjusts a little by trying to pull guard rather than shoot and get caught in another one, but inevitably he goes to the clinch, and another guillotine beats him.

7) Colin McKee vs. Neydson Santos Ferriera: McKee I've liked. His opponent is an old BJJ guy. Apparently McKee was supposed to fight Che Mills, and this is a late replacement.

FIGHT: McKee TKO Rnd 1. (1) Ferriera comes out swinging and tries to surprise McKee, but its to no use. After some sustained hugging on the cage, Ferriera is arm weary and tired. More clinching and dirty boxing, then its knees and Ferriera is in trouble. A flurry of shots end the fight. Easy fight, honestly.

8) Lee McKibbin vs. John Lober: Irish dude fights old journeyman 13 years past his best. Amazing.

FIGHT: McKibbin Submission Rnd 1. Lober's leg is swept out by a low kick and he rushes to clinch. McKibbin sets up a guillotine for about 20 seconds and Lober just keeps trying to stick his head under the armpit. Easy win. (1)

9) Chris Stringer vs. Rich Clementi: Enormous gap between who Stringer has faced and who Clementi is. Stringer has poor submission defense, an admitted flaw say the announcers. Uhhhh.....

FIGHT: Clementi Submission Rnd 2. (1) This is one of the most brutal embarassments in a ring that I can remember. Up there with Roy Jones/Jeff Lacy. I mean, Clementi gets taken down off a kick and then almost immediately sweeps Stringer and goes to mount, then starts mugging and throwing elbows. He trashes Stringer with hard elbows as he applies the triangle from mount. Incredibly easy stuff.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Boekee/Brady

KO OF THE NIGHT: McKee/Ferreria

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Peute/Serry

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 4 out of 10. Impossibly long, tons of commercials, lots of lousy fights with a couple surreal moments mixed in.

D&R Rating: 9% (4/45)

Cage Wars 6 (4/21/2007)

Okay, this is out of order, but I can only watch 'em as they're shown. Main event features Jason Jones of M-1 fame, and this eminates from Kings Hall in Belfast, a famous sports venue.

1) Ciaran Kelly vs. Paddi Dixon: Amateur bout? Maybe?

FIGHT: Kelly Submission Rnd 2 (0)

Kelly: Sloppy dude in terms of technique, but proves that even a rudimentary takedown in UK MMA is massively effective. Drubbing punches that are all arm.

Dixon: Tough and game, but no apparent training in any aspect of MMA. More or less a brawler.

2) Johnny Deehan vs. Michael Nichol: Light heavyweights.

FIGHT: Nichol Submission Rnd 1 (0)

Nichols: One of these guys is a decent grappler, and its Nichols. He gets a nice little judo throw at the start and then tries for a sort of guillotine choke from inside his opponent's half guard. He's swept and put on his back but is moving around his hips and making things tough on Deehan, who is set on "smash". Deehan tries to pass and does it totally wrong, leaving himself wide open for a triangle. He's submitted.

3) Jimmy Mills vs. Callum King: 205.

FIGHT: Mills Submission Rnd 1. KOTC special as Mills gets a takedown early on, passes the guard, beats up King and forces him onto his stomach, and gets the RNC.

4) Colin Davidson vs. Tim McCrory: Light heavyweight contest.

FIGHT: Davidson Submission Rnd 1. One sided affair with McCrory being taken down very early in the bout, controlled pretty much the entire first round, and Davidson setting up and taking about 20 seconds to pull off the armbar out of the mount. McCrory could have hung on a few seconds longer and made it to the bell, but it would have not mattered anyhow. (0)

5) Gareth Loye vs. Lee McKibbin: Welterweight bout with a CW regular.

FIGHT: Loye Submission Rnd 2.

Loye: Hurts McKibbin with a series of strikes in the early part of the second and gets on top. from there, he's able to keep dominant position and eventually take the back and a RNC.

McKibbin: He's reckless on the mat, doing some wild attempts at escapes that only put him in further danger. He's also not much standing beyond brawling. This is not the finest McKibbin moment, as he spends most of the first round tepidly punching inside the guard of Loye and trying to avoid armbars. (0)

6) Daniel Abrol vs. Michael Angelista: Smaller dudes.

FIGHT: Abrol Submission Rnd 1. Angelista is from Golden Glory but appears to be a grappler. Abrol gets a triangle, is nearly slammed out, but holds on and wins. (0)

7) Romer Trompert vs. Colin McKee: A welterweight contest. McKee is not terrible either.

FIGHT: Trompert Unanimous Decision. Remember what I said about McKee being not terrible? Can't stop Trompert's takedowns to save his life. He tries an array of escapes to get on top, and occasionally he succeeds, but generally he is under Trompert and getting hit with punches. Lots of them. He has a pretty decent beard to survive them all, but loses pretty much every round. McKee's last loss. (1)

8) Sami Schiavo vs. Chris Stringer: This is a big deal, see, because they include the ring entrances on the tape.

FIGHT: Schiavo KO Rnd 1. No breakdown here either. Schiavo wins by KO in 18 seconds, landing his first serious strike standing (looping overhand right lead) and Stringer drops. There's some followup and that's it. (0)

9) Martin Begley vs. Vincent La Toel: Lightweight bout. Again, intros. La Toel is from Golden Glory.

FIGHT: La Toel Submission Rnd 1. Another short fight. Begley rushes, puts his head under La Toel's arm, gets choked out standing. (0)

10) Casimir Bendy vs. Peter Duncan: Another welterweight bout featuring the promotion's most popular fighter.

FIGHT: Bendy Submission Rnd 1. Another short fight. Yes, three inside one commercial block. Bendy goes for a guillotine early and Duncan tries to slam out. Then he stands with Bendy attached and tries to slam himself out again. And it doesn't work. Instead, he is forced to tap. (0)

11) Jason Jones vs. Rodney Moore: YOUR MAIN EVENT.

FIGHT: Moore Submission Rnd 2.

Jones: Jones gasses out 3 minutes in. Am I shocked? Of course not. That is his MO. Lots of him taking muay thai knees land on his face and he doesn't have the strength to pull off one of his signature throws at the end of the round. He goes out with a last gasp at the start of the second round, getting the thai plumb and then tossing in knees to the body and a takedown, but when he gets there, Moore starts looking to work subs. From there it is just a matter of time - the last expenditure of energy is occasionally supplemented with some strange attempts for position and subs (side headlock/neck crank?), but you can see the fatigue all over him. The only reason he sticks around in the fight as long as he does is because of Moore's mediocre talents.

Moore: Decently skilled on the mat, he runs into trouble because Jones is a (potentially gassed up) more muscular and generally larger individual. Standing up, Jones has the advantage thanks to his time at Golden Glory, but his poor gas tank means that even there Moore ultimately takes over in the first round and begins to land more meaningful knees and punches. After a number of generally meaningless losses, Moore seems to have retired. (0)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Moore/Jones

KO OF THE NIGHT: Schiavo/Stringer

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Bendy/Duncan

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2 out of 10. A lot of people might say "blah blah penalizing ground work". There is nothing artistic, entertaining, or great about watching fights where one guy has no idea what to do on the mat at this level. Disagree if you must, but does anyone really get stoked to see one guy lay on another until he can force them to roll over and give up a RNC? Really? Honestly? Its like saying you hate chess because watching a grandmaster roll a mildly retarded child isn't entertaining to you.

D&R Rating: 2% (1/55)

Cage Wars 11: Decade (3/29/2009)

So here goes. Another show from Cage Wars via Fightzone.

1) Hugh Brady vs. Michael Reid: This is a welterweight contest. Reid is much taller.

FIGHT: Brady Submission Rnd 3. (0)

Reid: Bigger fighter, appears more athletic looking at him, drops Brady very early, rides his back for a couple of minutes, goes for a number of submissions from his back when he loses the position. Honestly was surprised that Brady made it to the second after nearly getting choked and armbarred. Then in round two, Brady leans he can take him down and push him into the fence, and that's the fight. He was totally worthless in that position, just taking occasional punches and otherwise laying there gassing until giving his back and being submitted.

Brady: Game, some skills on the mat, but nothing obscene. No crazy "jungle jiujitsu" as Rogan once called Matt Serra's style. More like "adequate for survival past the second minute BJJ". As the fight wears on, he gets Reid down with simple takedowns, pushes him into the fence, and puts weight on him. That's enough to gas Reid and he eventually is able to start passing the guard and takes the back for a submission win.

2) Colin McKee vs. Arunus Silcius: Silcius is some Lithuanian plumber with a HORRIBLE stomach scar brought in to probably lose. McKee is on a win streak and seems to be a solid grappler.

FIGHT: McKee TKO 1. Exactly as I anticipated. McKee with a quick takedown to start and he pounds out Silcius from the half guard against the fence. No real resistance. (0)

3) Jordy Peute vs. Gary Morris: "Lightweights". Puete is 138, Morris 144. Puete is said to be dutch, so I expect either Judo or kickboxing.

FIGHT: Jordy submission Rnd 1. Morris tries the "punch when the other guy tries to bang gloves at the start" move. For that, Jordy shoots, pulls guard, gets the armbar, and then injures the arm, leaving Morris screaming in pain. (0)

4) Lee McKibbin vs. Karolis Liukaitis: McKibbin is a regular for the promotion, and Liukaitis could be anything skillwise. Middleweight bout. McKibbin is much bigger.

FIGHT: McKibbin Submission Rnd 1 (0)

Liukaitis: Undersized kickboxing guy who uses his strength to escape an armbar early and leaps backwards in an attempt to shake McKibbin, on but eventually gets trapped in a choke due to the skill of McKibbin overcoming the unorthodox desperation.

McKibbin: Had all the advantages and still went out to try and win. Still nothing notable to be said about his wrestling, as it was Liukaitis who got him down to the mat, even when it was a terrible idea.

5) Daniel Abrol vs. JC Pennington: Pennington has been seen before losing to Javier Vazquez on this blog, and Abrol's last fight with an American ended in an embarassing loss to some dude who looked like a preteen.

FIGHT: Pennington Submission Rnd 2. (0)

Pennington: Pennington is better on the mat, and this being MMA, that's what matters. Abrol is a decent striker and lands some hard right hands, but Pennington is an experienced gatekeeper type and isn't so quickly shook. When the time comes, he takes over and wins.

Abrol: Flatfooted and throwing looping leads, he's caught with Pennington's not so great strikes as he rushes in, eventually being forced to do jumping front kicks and stuff. On the mat he's still not good enough to beat a decently trained grappler. The announcers are basically rooting on Abrol, demanding the ref stop the bout and that Abrol is "good enough to get out of this" as Pennington takes him down and starts rolling for submissions. Daniel is "dominating position wise" as Pennington starts abusing him, taking him down, switching to his back, and choking him out.

6) Peter Duncan vs. Bryan Goldsby: Goldsby is from the US and looks to be in better shape than Duncan. Duncan though is the local guy and the crowd's favorite.

FIGHT: Duncan Submission Rnd 2. (0)

Duncan: Was taken down a few times, but proved to be the better man on the mat, reversing positions and taking dominant stances. Eventually, he ended up in side control and locked up the kimura to win. Duncan looked passable off his back.

Goldsby: Some solid wrestling takedowns, but his follow through with keeping positional control left tons to be desired. Didn't want to strike with Duncan much at all.

7) Jeff Monson vs. Sergej Maslobojev: Another random Lithuanian against a man who never actually lived under communism, but would like to. Main event.

FIGHT: Monson Submission Rnd 2. I'm not gonna break this down much, in that Monson takes down the Lithuanian repeatedly, lays on him, and punches him some while occasionally looking to pass guard. He goes to north/south and gets the anaconda choke. (3)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Duncan/Goldsby

KO OF THE NIGHT: Silcius/McKee

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Monson/Maslobojev

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 3.5 out of 10. Another piddling fight card. At least we have Monson with an awesome choke against some dude who probably makes 9 USD an hour doing some manual labor for the trouble of watching. Peter Duncan also continues to entertain. He might not be very good, but he could be one of the most interesting to watch journeymen in the fight game.

D&R Rating: 8.5% (3/35)

Cage Wars 10: Braveheart (3/15/2008)

Another CWC show. This one originates in Belfast, Ireland.

1) Alan Love vs. Richie Bagby: Middleweight contest. Amateur bout.

FIGHT: Love Submission Rnd 1. Love with a takedown, and then a guillotine. Bagby, who is muscular, does nothing. (0)

2) Ali McClean vs. Anthony Thompson: Amateur Lightweight contest.

FIGHT: McClean Submission Rnd 1. Thompson looks composed early on and gets a takedown, but is unable to do anything in guard and we get a standup. McClean goes wild with strikes and then grabs a guillotine and pulls guard. Thompson taps. (0)

3) Arno Rotgans vs. Daren Petrikonis (?): Another lightweight bout, but this time, a pro boutwith a man who is perhaps a Polish Plumber stereotypes. But from Lithuania. Rotgans is from Mike's Gym in Holland.

FIGHT: Rotgans Submission Rnd 1. Rotgans with a nasty armbar after a takedown and beating in the mount. He starts looking to take the arm and Petrikonis turns to his belly. Rotgans still has it and basically flips Petrikonis over with it. Yikes. Rotgans is undefeated at 7-0 but inactive going on 3 years. (0)

4) Peter Duncan vs. Cyrille Crochet: Lightweights. Duncan is sometimes fun to watch.

FIGHT: Duncan Submission Rnd 2. Yet another guillotine. Duncan repeatedly took down Crochet, had dominant positions (banana split!) and eventually grabbed him and guillotined him. (0)

5) Alexandre Abin vs. Daniel Abrol: Lightweights.

FIGHT: Abin Submission Rnd 1. Really wild striking at the start of the fight, and Abin ends up grabbing a rear naked choke standing. Abrol tries to jump and slam him down to release, but the plan fales. Abin ultimately sinches it in and forces a tap.

6) Jontas Novaes vs. Mamarizaev Jahongir: Jahongir is much bigger than his opponent.

FIGHT: Novaes Submission Rnd 1. Novaes decides not to try and stand and trade, and takes down Jahongir, then gets the armbar. It ain't a choke as Sherdog has it. Straight armbar out of mount. Novaes has had a nondescript career since. (0)

7) Lee McKibbin vs. Aureles Kerpe: Middleweights.

FIGHT: Kerpe TKO Rnd 3. McKibbin was killing this early on in the first round, and Kerpe came back with a vengence. (0)

McKibbin: Decent jitz, and almost had a W by submission early on. But he couldn't close the deal, and also couldn't block a punch. That was his undoing.

Kerpe: Seems to have some sense of submission defense and can stop menially skilled takedown attempts. Tough. Landed a lot of punches without totally gassing out, earning him the W.

8) John Smith vs. Graham Turner: Lightweights.

FIGHT: Turner TKO Rnd 1. A throwback - Smith is a former kickboxer with no ground skills, and gets taken down and demolished by Turner, who does. Turner is the only story here, and there's not a great story to be told. Can't even tell if he can throw a punch standing. (0)

9) Mo Gormley vs. Andy Hillhouse: Huge heavyweights. Gormley is with a shirt and resembles Chance Williams. Hillhouse has a shaved head and a tattoo on the back of his head.

FIGHT: Hillhouse KO Rnd 1. Some slobberknockering ends with Gormley being taken out with a right hand to the head. Hillhouse's only career win. (0)

10) Heman Gipson vs. Michal Kita: Kita's name is misspelled, but I know who it is. He's an M-1 vet. This is a heavyweight fight with the potential of some skill being exhibited.

FIGHT: Kita Submission Rnd 1. This was a extra special thing, because he won with a Sakuraba kimura with Gipson having his back. Sorta. I mean he twisted him all over the mat while trying to lock it in and eventually fucked the dude's shoulder up. Also had a sweet judo throw. Gipson rolled around a little to defend and failed. The end of that. (1)

11) Daniel Tabera vs. Ken Sparks: This is a 90 minute TV show, and there's 30 minutes left...and we've seen 10 fights! Jesus. Light heavyweights.

FIGHT: Tabera Submission Rnd 1. Another total domination; Tabera lands some looping shots while coming forward, ends up pushing Sparks to the cage, it goes to the mat, Tabera smashes him and eventually takes his back and chokes him out. I learned nothing other than I'm not sold on Tabera to strike with anyone. Presently 16-2-3, he lost in Bellator last year but drew with Mamed Khalidov, beat Mikhail Zayats, and is an M-1 vet. (1)

At this point, the show then starts to display fights from Scotland the Brave that were already reviewed. So I guess that's it.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Kerpe/McKibbin

KO OF THE NIGHT: Gormley/Hillhouse

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Rotgans/Petrikonis

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 3 out of 10. Another lousy CWC show with a mildly entertaining beatdown over several rounds, and a bunch of one sided tomato can beatings. I'm glad I've come near the end of these programs. With CWC 9 not making TV here yet (Colin Robinson vs. DAN SEVERN, Danny Van Bergen, and Jimmy Mills!), I have to shoot ahead to CWC 11 which features an appearance by JEFF SNOWMAN MONSON. That I can get excited about.

D&R Rating: 4% (2/55)

CAGE WARS 8: Celtic Rage (10/20/07)

From Belfast in Ireland, the next installment of Cage Wars, this from 10/2007.

1) Michael Reid vs. Steven Nolan: Welterweights. Amateur fight too.

FIGHT: Reid Unanimous Decision. Its listed on the screen as a submission, but clearly is not. Nothing to see here: Reid mounts Nolan, does nothing. Spends probably 10 minutes of the fight in mount, 4 in half guard or guard, then a minute in some other position. Better than Nolan in every way. Only one fight since, another decision win. (0)

2) Ali McClean vs. Ryan Roddy: Lightweights. A pro bout, thankfully. I think.

FIGHT: Roddy Submission Rnd 1. McClean tries to take off Roddy's head when Roddy wants to touch gloves, and Roddy responds by dominating him on the mat and eventually getting the triangle off his back (after a failed armbar attempt) to end the fight in 88 seconds.

3) John Smith vs. Moen Takalou: Oh man. Takalou is so bad. Smith is an ex-kickboxer, as we know from previous shows.

FIGHT: Takalou KO 1....or not. Catches Smith who is otherwise tooling him and drops him hard with a punch. He then attacks Smith voraciously and forces a ref stoppage. After the ref jumps in, Takalou tries to stop the downed Smith. Poor Takalou gets a No Contest instead. (0)

4) Peter Duncan vs. Arman Soufi: Lightweights. Duncan clearly larger.

FIGHT: Duncan Submission Rnd 1. When watching Soufi, it looks like he doesn't know how to do anything, and then he does some crazy looking escape and makes it work. But Duncan eventually rolls into an armbar and forces a tap. Duncan's first win in 4 fights. Soufi not much better. (0)

5) Chris Stringer vs. Michael Angelista: Lightweights. Based on what I've seen, easy night for Angelista.

FIGHT: Stringer Submission Rnd 1. And that is why they have the fights. Stringer comes out fast, swinging with tight punches and kicks. Angelista closes and goes for a single, but gets caught in a guillotine. He tries to slam out but needs to tap. Had the arm in, BTW. (0)

6) Brian Kerr vs. Paul Murtagh: Welterweights I don't know.

FIGHT: Kerr Submission Rnd 2. All Kerr in this fight. He lands a bunch of clean shots early in the fight and the announcers mention his ammy record in boxing. Murtagh nearly pulls off a miracle submission after being dropped with a punch as he locks in a triangle and transitions to an armbar, but Kerr escapes, and that is all that for Murtagh. He ends up getting caught in a guillotine in round 2 and gets DDTed to boot in a desperate attempt to get a takedown. (0)

Kerr: Good submission defense, solid striking. Last fight in MMA.

Murtagh: Bleeder. All submissions, nothing else.

7) Lee McKibbin vs. Bastiaan Rejen: Middleweights.

FIGHT: McKibbin Submission Rnd 1. McKibbin beats the "submission specialist" with an armbar after Rejen is in top control early in the first. Took forever to finish. (0) Nothing inspiring to mention here about either man's technique. McKibbin's wrestling isn't that great and Rejen clearly wasn't prepared to see a submission attempt come at him.

8) Daniel Abrol vs. Tim Estes: Lightweight bout. Estes is from the US and looks to be about 12.

FIGHT: Estes Submission Rnd 1. Powpowpow swinging for the fences, though with some technical panache, and then they roll on the mat a little wildly. Abrol gets the fight back up and we have some clinch fighting. Abrol looks to throw Estes and gets defended against well. Estes throws him down and starts smashing with punches, forcing Abrol to roll over and eventually this leads to a RNC. Estes' last win. (0)

Abrol: More of the same from him. You see the massive lack of solid grappling, and frankly Estes was doing a solid job of striking with him. Abrol had a tough time with the jab.

Estes: Threw basic 1-2s with single jabs, outgrappled a guy who didn't grapple, forced the submission. Really should have never lost mount in the first round, but perhaps he wasn't even totally understanding that he had such a dominant position.

9) Colin McKee vs. James Orso: Welterweights.

FIGHT: McKee TKO 2. All McKee in this bout. Orso had nothing for him on the mat, and it kept going there. McKee regularly went for submissions and dominant positions in the fight, but was a bit sloppy and lost them when he probably had good shots at finishing. McKee was gassed after 3 minutes, and in the second just ended up getting sucked down and pounded out. (1)

Orso: Tried to wrestle, but nothing when on the mat for McKee. Since went on to beat Danny Abiddi.

McKee: This fight turned around McKee's career. He's won 8 straight going to Feb. 2010. Nothing I could see about standup, but he's a solid grappler who understands the basics of positioning rather well.

10) Cliff Wheatley vs. Augusto Frota: Lightweights. Frota seems like a decent fighter. Wheatley is an American and very lanky. (0)

FIGHT: Frota Submission Rnd 1. Wild, WILD striking to start the fight that looks like a pansy slap fight. Frota then decides to take down Wheatley and from there easily pounds the American and forces him to roll over to his stomach. Wheatley says in the post fight interview "I flat out got my ass kicked!"

11) Jimmy Mills vs. Colin Davidson: Light heavyweights. Another USA/UK bout.

FIGHT: Mills Submission Rnd 1. Total domination by Mills as he takes down Davidson and cuts him badly with GNP, then eventually forces the tap with a head and arm choke. (0)

Mills: Soft around the midsection. Really soft. Lost to Kevin Casey. Generic wrestler guy.

Davidson: Short notice opponent, not any good at anything, best I can tell. Should find a different profession. No reason to get beat up like this for no money.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Kerr/Murtagh

KO OF THE NIGHT: Takalou/Smith

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Stringer/Angelista

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2 out of 10. Not the worst show I've seen but lots of uninspiring with some Jobbers Get In Offense fights.

D&R Rating: 1% (1/55)

CAGE WARS 7: Scotland the Brave (10/20/07)

Lots of CWC has appeared on Fightzone TV recently. Of that which has been shown, this is the oldest show thus far. A live view on the fights can be fine back at Total-MMA, as done by Iain Liddle here: http://www.total-mma.com/2007/08/04/cage-wars-scotland-the-brave-live-results/

1) Ciaran Kelly vs. Jamie McKenzie: Who are these guys?

FIGHT: Jamie McKenzie MD. Terrible fight to watch. Dudes rolling all over the mat apparently hoping to look bad in the ring. (0)

McKenzie: Hurt Kelly with some strikes early, but on the mat he was terrible. He was mounted several times in the second and third rounds, and it was only the propensity of the British judges to score for minor damages from strikes that saved him in this one.

Kelly: Had one solid takedown in this fight - otherwise he was on the mat either from falling down from punches or just some mangled throw attempts where he ended up on his back. And yet, he was able to turn over McKenzie and get in dominant positions many times, landing solid shots. Neither looks like a serious competitor.

2) Andy Hillhouse vs. Luis Vagner: Heavyweight fight. Both dudes are pretty muscled up.

FIGHT: Luis Vagner TKO 2. Dreadful. (0)

Vagner: Won on strikes, not a striker. Wild haymakers and arm punches. Zero defense. Went for an armbar that took forever to set up and try to execute, then didn't finish. Hasn't fought now in almost 3 years.

Hillhouse: 1-4 career record.

3) Dean Caldwell vs. Antony McIllroy: Welterweights? Maybe? Dunno?

FIGHT: Caldwell Submission Rnd 1. McIllroy gets the fight down, then gets swept, is laid on for awhile, and eventually is caught in a choke. Its said to be a anaconda but looks a lot more like a d'arce to me. (0)

Caldwell: Slow to do much on top, AKA Dean Lister Syndrome. Doesn't seem to be much of a wrestler. Strikes as much on the ground as does Dan Severn, AKA not at all. Can't beat people without setting stuff up. No fights since.

McIllroy: Balding. Got laid on. Had green shorts.

4) Martin Begley vs. Ivan Mussardo: Welterweights.

FIGHT: Mussardo Submission Rnd 1. A win for the German by guillotine in under 30 seconds. Just jumps into guard and grabs the choke at first opportunity. Nothing to say about either from this. Mussardo lost to Daniel Weichel, the best fighter he's ever faced. (0)

5) John Smith vs. Gareth Hindz: Welterweights.

FIGHT: Smith Submission Rnd 2. Gareth had controlled the fight almost entirely in top control, and Smith hadn't been working for anything. All of a sudden he starts to move his hips and Hindz doesn't even defend it. (0)

Smith: Decent low kicks standing - apparently he had 15 pro kickboxing bouts. However, he looked hapless on the mat until going for his one and only submission attempt.

Hinds: Top control grappler with no submission defense.

NOTE: A commercial appeared for an MMA cruise. Really. Apparently you can fight there and become an Open Waters Champion. Amazing.

6) Michael Angelista vs. Kevin Karney: Missed the weight class, but its clear watching that I don't really need to go back and find out.

FIGHT: Angelista TKO 1. Angelista had some issues with Karney going for submissions off his back during the fight, but Angelista was overwhelming athletically and ended up beating him down from the mount. (0)

Angelista: Some decent strikes, nearly caught in a really sloppy armbar attempt. 1-3 now.

Karney: Has heart, some submission ability, but this was his last fight.

7) Paul McVeigh vs. Christian Binda: Lightweights. McVeigh is very pale.

FIGHT: McVeigh Submission 1. Binda looks to bang and gets caught with strong counters and meaty takedowns. He ends up shooting in when that early gameplan doesn't work out and is actually pretty successful with GNP. But McVeigh is able to grab the leg as Binda stands out and gets a kneebar. Binda tries to defend with an illegal stomp (which he isn't warned for) but it doesn't prevent a tapout. (0)

McVeigh: Decent fighter with decent takedowns and a counter punching style. Adequate, good at the Commonwealth level, not really an international level guy.

Binda: Had a good double and was gutsy. Not much else to go on though.

8) Moien Takalou vs. Daniel Abrol: Lightweights I think.

FIGHT: Abrol TKO 1. Ugly fight with Takalou only having one frame of offense with an armbar attempt early in the first and getting pounded otherwise. (0)

Abrol: Decent striker. Rangy. Lost to Danny Van Bergen.

Takalou: Honestly, this dude did almost nothing right and took a pounding. Ugly. 1-7 career record.

9) Chris Stringer vs. Casimir Bendy: Another lightweight bout. Bendy actually fought in the WEC and for Shooto, losing in both shows. He does have a couple nice wins though against Niko Puhakka, Andre Winner, and Mikhail Malyutin.

FIGHT: Bendy Submission Rnd 1. Bendy gets a nice big takedown early and tries to pass guard. Stringer gives him his neck and gets submitted. The end. Basically a good ol' fashioned KOTC special. (1)

Bendy: Nice takedown, but not much standup exhibited at all. After that, it was rudimentary. You can see here why he beat Winner (now a prospect of sorts): Winner's a kickboxer, and Bendy exploited that big time.

Stringer: Didn't do anything. Losing career record.

10) Peter Duncan vs. Augusto Frota: Lightweights. This is the main event.

FIGHT: Frota Submission Rnd 2. Duncan is a strong guy and has some decent submission defense, but against a wizard like Frota, he's bound to get caught. Frota grabs the guillotine and while Duncan tries to slam out, its pointless. Almost a bulldog choke when there's finally a tap. (1)

Frota: Frota has legitimately great BJJ. Its not just a situation where he can get top control and dominate someone there. He's rolling for stuff constantly. He's never really beaten anyone great and doesn't currently rank internationally, but could.

Peter Duncan: Don't see much from him, to be entirely honest. Again, there's strength there, some heart, but not much else. No surprise that he has a losing record.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Frota/Duncan

KO OF THE NIGHT: Abrol/Takalou

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Frota/Duncan

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 1.5 out of 10. This was terrible to watch. I mean, just not fun at all. So many bad fighters who would need to be booked against homeless people or random children from the audience in order to score victories on the West Coast of the US. Frota's BJJ exhibition was really the only thing worth seeing.

D&R Rating: 4% (2/50)

Cagewarriors 9 (12/18/04)

I return to the UK and The Wrestling Channel for this slightly abridged version of CW9. Frederic Fernandes fought on this card but was not televised. For shame.

At some point soon I will come up with a way to make the rating system look more sane. Its just too tough to have anything above a 50% for an entire card, so I'll fudge with it a little. For right now? I am lazy.

1) BJJ SUPERFIGHT! ANDY ROBERTS vs. YANJA ABYANEH: There was some grappling between two guys I have ever heard of in a cage and no one won after 7 minutes. (0)

2) AARON BARROW vs. DAN HARDY: Hardy is now in the UFC after almost winning the Cage Force tourney. Barrow? I dunno.

Hardy comes out and head kicks Barrow. Fight over. Seriously. It went :13. (2)

3) TOM NIINIMAKI vs. ANDRE SOARES: Soares recently got a chance to lose on a fight no one saw on the EliteXC under card. Niinimaki has fought a bunch of places and isn't that successful in any of them.

Round 1 has Niinimaki with the takedown against the vaunted BJJ guy in Soares. They stand up after some time with no action. Soares then shoots in, and Niinimaki defends it and ends up on top. Soares has his best moment of the fight with a triangle attempt Niinimaki defends, and he again stands up out of Soares' open guard. From this point forward throughout round 2, a pattern develops: Soares goes for a takedown, fails, pulls guard, Niinimaki goes down on top of him, doesn't do anything, fight stands, repeat over and over and over. As time goes on through the end of round 2 and into round 3, Soares just falls on his ass in butt scoot and Niinimaki is more effective landing shots from inside his guard. Pretty lousy fight, Niinimaki wins a decision. (0)

4) MICHAEL HOBBS vs. IAN JONES: I know nothing about either. Judging by Fightfinder, there is good reason.

Clinch at the start, Hobbs, gets a takedown, and postures up to strike inside the guard. He goes for a leglock, Jones prevents it and stands and ends up back on the ground, this time on top in half guard. Hobbs regains the full guard, goes for a triangle, Jones throws it off and passes, and Hobbs goes for a single in the scramble. As he does so, Jones locks in a tight guillotine, winning the fight. This was Hobbs' last fight, and Jones didn't have the best streak of luck afterwards. (0)

5) CENGIZ DANA vs. JZ CALVAN: JZ! Now here is a surprise I can get behind.

Right hand from Calvan drops Dana, he passes immediately to side control, and I'm excited because it appears this is just about over already. He ends up in the mount but in reverse and tries for a kneebar. Dana escapes, sadly, and we are treated to more. He tries to take JZ's back and gets taken down again. Calvan goes for a guillotine from the mount at the end but fails.

Round 2 opens with both men weakly striking and, surprise surprise, JZ Calvan with a takedown off a leg kick from Dana. Some ground and pound for most of the round, eventually the fight is stood up. Same thing happens as before, Calvan grinds out the round in the 1/2 guard of Dana.

Third round is Dana's best, as he is somewhat effective with leg kicks in the early going. JZ jumps in and clinches up, getting a big slam as he takes down Dana. Dana really just defends against JZ here and tries to force a standup, but gets the guard passed and eventually he's mounted. Calvan again goes for the guillotine in mount and gets it the second time to finish this inside the distance. (3)

6) PAUL "SEMTEX" DALEY vs. ABDUL MOHAMED: Jess Liaudin and Jean Silva have both lost to Mohamed. Daley has wins over guys like Professor X and Duane Ludwig. Looks interesting! Abdul Mohamed has a fucking bandage all around his head though. Huh?

Clinch early as Mohamed wants the takedown. He does get it, but very little happens there and Daley is able to get back on his feet. A staring contest ensues, which ends with Daley throwing punches wildly and landing a few on the head of Mohamed. Abdul is hurt and is on spaghetti legs for a little while, going for takedowns trying to hold on. At the very end of the round he is successful, but its a clear Daley round in my book.

Round 2 opens with Daley throwing punches and kicks, very little landing, and the strikes are few and far between. Abdul with a shot and takedown, and he's on top for most of the round. Daley uses the cage wall to climb his way up to his feet, but really isn't able to do anything standing. Abdul gets another takedown and this is a 19-19 fight.

Round 3 is a boring ass round. No action early on as they are both too afraid of the other to try anything. Daley breaks the monotony with a flurry of punches, none of which solidly connect. Abdul is going for the takedown and nothing else. Daley is able to fend them all off and land some punches, winning him round 3.

Daley starts throwing leg kicks in round 4, sensing that Mohamed is tiring. Abdul does nothing the entire round but grab a takedown with less than 20 seconds left. Otherwise, it is all Daley with strikes. Its 3-1 with Daley pulling ahead into the final round of a not enthralling fight.

Abdul is able to get a takedown fairly early in the final round and tries to ride it out without doing anything in the less than impressive guard of Daley. Daley gets the fight back on his feet and throws some leg kicks. Theoretically, Mohamed's round. And so we go to the scorecards: one card for each and one card a draw. I have no idea how Mohamed won 3 rounds, or hell, drew in two and won two others. (3)

7) TENGIZ TEDORADZE vs. JEFF MONSON: Who isn't happy to see TENGIZ? His opponent is everyone's favorite socio-anarchist, Jeff Monson.

Clinch is immediate, and Tengiz gets an awesome belly to belly suplex on Monson. Monson absorbs punches but spins around and gets a double. Tengiz almost immediately gives up his back, and, yeah. Bad idea with Monson. Tedoradze defends for awhile but is eventually choked out. (3)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT(S): Calvan/Dana. I suppose. All the fights kinda sucked.

KO OF THE NIGHT(S):Hardy/Barrow

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT(S): Calvan/Dana

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2 out of 10. Even with Tengiz, Calvan, Hardy, and Daley, this was a shitty show to watch. Daley/Mohamad was just embarassingly bad, and Calvan/Dana not much better. Watching two minutes of Monson with his hooks in wasn't much better.

D&R RATING: 15% (11/70)

CAGE WARRIORS 7: 5/9/04

Well, this is the spiritual successor to the KOTC of the Day thread over at DVDVR that I spent way, way too many hours working on. I have the odd compulsion to have, you know, everything ever in the fighting world, and watching it is a serious chore sometimes. So to give me reason to actually do so and to have something typed out for the memory bank, well, could there be any more important a reason to do this?

We start somewhat randomly with the rather small MMA promotion known as Cage Warriors Fighting Championship, whom are based in the UK. The television is provided in this case by British cable/satellite network The Wrestling Channel, and it doesn't seem to be that low rent, but roughly about equal with your average Gladiator's Challenge show. The ring announcer tells us we have THREEEEE exciting title fights to come, plus caged kickboxing, as if anyone on earth ultimately gives a shit about that. He goes on to introduce Dougy Truman (the promoter), the ring girl (yes, singular), and our ref, Grant Waterman. The judges are announced, and then a short fade out brings us to IN RING INTRODUCTIONS. No kids, you don't get any long ring walks here, at least early on. It should be noted that the venue looks like a high school gymnasium, and the cage CWFC uses has a very tight material making the fence up. It looks like vinyl covered steel, but rather than being in a chain link fence configuration, its almost like a beefed up chicken wire that has very little give.

Before we go talking about the fights, let's talk about the patented D&R ratings system. I don't rate fights based on the action in them solely, and sometimes don't even bother so much with that. What matters to me in reviewing these are how relevant the bouts are to the big shows and the world scene. A show with a ton of scraps between low level dudes with no skills does nothing to impress me. I can go to the local boxing gym and see that for free when they hold smokers. I want to see world class athletes go all out and show their skills. Henceforth, here's how it works:

0: Fights of no value. Feature no one who went anywhere or will go anywhere. Had no real skill. Apathy is as bad as being actively awful.
1: Fights of minimal value. Fun but brief fights between nobodies and early and nonessential fights from fringe contenders and future/past reality stars who never really rise above that platform.
2: Fights of some substantial value: Fights featuring legitimate top 40-50 contenders at any stage of their career. Also, prospects deemed ones to “watch out for”. Also, all out wars featuring technical skill between fighters of any level.
3: Fights of major value: Entertaining fights between top 40-50 contenders at any stage of their alloted career. Early/developmental fights for elite talent.
4: Fights of critical value: On a KOTC level, think Jorge Santiago/Diego Sanchez.
5: The absolute best. Stuff that not only reaches the skill levels seen in the top 4 promotions (UFC, EliteXC, DREAM, K-1), but that often exceeds it. In recent history, Miguel Torres/Yoshiro Maeda or, going backwards, Joachim Hansen fighting Gomi and JZ Calvan in Shooto.

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1) FREDERICK FERNANDES vs. MARK CHEN: Fernandez hails from the all important French Top Team. BTW, there needs to be a 10 year moratorium on naming your fight team "_____ Top Team".

Round one tells me a lot about the promotion, not so much about the fighters. Chen sort of flails, pushing his punches without planting his feet, and Fernandez pulls guard. This occurs twice. It only occurs twice because while there's rarely any sort of serious submission attempt going on from Fernandez, nor significant effort from Chen to pass guard or deliver blows, Fernandez is quite active bucking his hips and trying to set up things, and that is enough for the referee to justify allowing Chen to essentially lay and pray. One might complain about such a thing, but I would vehemently disagree with them. If anything, it indicates that there will be far fewer of the awful standups seen in most US based promotions to force "action" (the combat sports code word for "guys throwing bombs without pretense of defense).

Round 2 follows the lead of round 1 until roughly midway through, when Fernandez sweeps Chen off of being in high mount and gets inside his guard. Apparently London Pancrase isn't getting the job done about teaching dudes how to competently go for armbars and whatnot, and Fernandez is able to take advantage, landing a lot of punches in this position. Inevitably, Chen is able to force the fight back standing, but Fernandez again pulls guard and starts bucking the hips, throwing punches from his back, and so on. Chen merely lays there in a prone position waiting for time to run out.

Round 3 starts with, you guessed it, poorly thrown punches from Chen and Fernandez cliinching with him. However, perhaps sensing some fatigue, Fernandez instead decides to attempt some judo throws and actually succeeds with something I can't name because, well, I'm not a judoka. Fernandez kinda lays there, ends up passing to half guard eventually, and then the pattern that all the other rounds ended up eventually becoming returns. Its the classic battle of activity versus positioning here, and the judges all see it for Fernandez. Really, a good job, as he was more active on top when there and was far more active when on the bottom than when Chen had the dominant position. Neither man really went anywhere, and this was no classic ground battle. (0)

2) LEE DOSKI vs. ANDY WALKER: Walker apparently showboated a lot before his prior fight, doing hand stands and stuff. Doski is "good," so the announcers say.

Doski gets this down fast, nearly gets Walker's back inside the first minute or so, but Walker is able to get this reversed and he is in Doski's guard. Doski is still pretty capable from that position, and Walker ends up armbarred. Slight confusion as he taps or submits or something and the lock is broken, but the fight isn't stopped and everyone just looks at each other. Neither fighter is pertinent on the world scene. (0)

3) DAVE ROCHE vs. GAVIN BRADLEY: No real familiarity with these guys.

Roche takes down Bradley immediately and tries to go for a guillotine. Doesn't really work. The announcers make great strides in pretending that Gavin Bradley is succeeding at something here in spite of having his guard passed. Roche ends up back in Bradley's guard after a short period of time and he fires a number of shots. Bradley springs up to try and get the double, but gets caught in a guillotine. Roche just presses Bradley's back into the fence and Bradley taps out. Roche has the better career winning percentage at 3-0, but has not fought in 3 years. (0)

4) MATT EWIN vs. GREGORY BOUCHALEGHAM: Ewin is still a regular on MMA shows in the UK (his best wins being against Professor X and Mark Epstein) and Bouchalegham actually has an appearance in PRIDE. This is also a title fight, and will be contested (theoretically) over 5 5 minute rounds.

First round sees some tenative standup that ends with a high kick by Bouchalegham. He attains the mount on Ewin and throws the occasional shots, forcing Ewin on his stomach. Repeated attempts for the RNC are defended well, and Ewin forces Bouchalegham on his back at the end of the round. The announcers open the second round discussing Bouchalegham's 5 inch height advantage and talk badly about his wrestling, though it turns out mere moments later that he takes down Ewin straight into mount. The first round begins to repeat itself, however after the RNC attempt fails, Ewin begins the slowest back door escape in history. Once finally getting Bouchalegham off his back, he fires a number of shots, but again ends up in the guard. Some more scrambling ensues and Bouchalegham ends the fight mounted. Ewin actually has a sort of reverse mount and is facing Ewin's legs, giving him the ability to throw numerous punches to the stomach.

As we enter round 3, patterns begin to develop establishing both men's weaknesses. Bouchalegham is clearly better standing, and wins all the limited exchanges on the feet. Ewin uses the push kick early to set up the double leg, which he gets and takes top position in guard in. However, when in guard, Bouchalegham twice in the course of round three sweeps Ewin by going for the arm, pretending to set up the kimura, and then toppling over Ewin into the mount. Alternately, Bouchalegham displays that his mount is hardly all that and a bag of chips. As he first attains mount in round 3, Ewin escapes out the backdoor quite easily. When he gets the position again later, his attempt to get space between himself and Ewin results in Ewin bucking him off and getting top position in guard once again. At the end of the round, Ewin does seem to find that squashing Bouchalegham against the cage reduces his ability to go for submissions and makes him a far better target for elbows and punches. Not that everyone in the sport didn't already know, but hey, some are slow at learning.

Entering round 4, its clear that Bouchalegham is dead tired. He's barely able to make the bell, and he's no longer active in any way standing. Ewin clinches and Bouchalegham pulls guard immediately, attempting a desperation guillotine. Ewin has his arm in and easily pulls apart Bouchalegham's hands, and its totally academic from here. Ewin gets separation in the guard from Bouchalegham and rains in some punches, to which there is no answer and no intelligent defense. Ewin retains his title. As much as I honestly liked this fight, its a 2 on the scale. Ewin is a fun regional fighter but is clearly not a world class middleweight, and Bouchalegham's wins against Ross Pointon and Andre Semenov don't make up for having not fought in 18 months or having lost his last 3 (to Mousasi, Carniero, and of course Filho). Like many of the recent IFL title fights, I do think its an endorsement of 5 rounders at the developmental level.

5) RESSO MORADI vs. PAUL "SEMTEX" DALEY (K-1 RULES): Oh lord. This is a kickboxing match between motherfucking Paul Daley and some poor karate kid who is fresh off the boat from Iraq. I know there's a lot of people who criticize Daley's MMA skills because he's not Superman on the ground, but given that this is kickboxing rules, that goes flying out the window.

Moradi shows some skill in there but a flying knee from Daley causes a cut the camera never actually catches, and apparently its bad enough to end the fight in round one. Given that this isn't even MMA: (0)

6) GERALD STREBENDT vs. DAVE ELLIOT: Strebendt is the very definition of a fringe contender, and apparently his time in KOTC is so notable its referenced. Also odd about this fight: The announcer calls out each man's sponsors. Ain't that nice.

Strebendt shoots for the single immediately and gets the take down. He hustles himself around Elliot, gaining a crucifix style position and...wait....he's going for the twister? AND HE GETS IT. This gets a (1) solely for being providing one of the rarest submissions in MMA during a combat period.

Gerald Strebendt then gets a mic, and it so happens that he's gonna fight Jean Silva for the lightweight title in a couple weeks. Well, isn't that convenient? Well, Silva is there and there's a pull apart thing and it looks kinda fake. So maybe the twister was a work. That's sad.

7) TENGIZ TEDORADZE vs. ANDY RYAN: Main event (or at least PENTAULTIMATE BOUT OF THE EVENING so I am told by the announcer) and its a heavyweight title fight! I guess I should pretend to be excited. Tedoradze is the best damn heavyweight MMA fighter or boxer ever in pro fighting history to come from the nation state of Georgia, which is a fact that reminds you constantly about just how great Georgian fighters are. Ryan is a 7 time Irish Judo Champ making his pro MMA debut.

Tedoradze beats the living shit out of Ryan. Seriously, Ryan has no offense and spends the entire fight just flopping around taking punches to the dome until the ref comes to stop it about a minute late. (0)

8) EMMANUEL FERNANDEZ vs. IAN BUTLIN: I have heard of neither. Fernandez is brother to Frederick. This is for the featherweight title and is also apparently the finals to a featherweight tournament that they held.

Butlin corners Fernandez and forces Fernandez to shoot. Apparently Butlin's game plan is to defend the takedown and stay standing, but he fails miserably at this. Fernandez actually turns the tables, gets a takedown and then rides in Butlin's guard for the rest of the first round. While Butlin tries some submissions and to spin off the cage, Fernandez keeps trying to pass or throw shots, and the ref obliges both men by not stupidly standing them up. A series of strikes by Fernandez forces Butlin's guard open and he passes. He goes for a pretty acrobatic armbar but is thwarted by the fence. As Butlin attempts to end up on top he falls into a triangle attempt by Fernandez that is masterfully set. Butlin taps just as the horn sounds for the end of the round, but Fernandez is given the submission win.

Neither man has really ever gone beyond the local level since the fight, but the action deserves a (1).

FINAL AWARDS (these are chiefly based on the UFC's system of post event awards)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT(S): Ewin/Bouchalegham. Really good stuff.

KO OF THE NIGHT(S): Tedoradze/Ryan.

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT(S): Strebendt/Elliot. Does this demand discussion?

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 6.5 out of 10: Honestly, this isn't the most important show in the history of MMA or anywhere near it, but I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. It doesn't show in the rating, but really if someone says "hey check this out" it is seriously okay for human consumption.

D&R RATING: 10% (4/40)