KOTC 48: Payback (2/25/2005)

This was actually a pretty big show at the time. Lots of prospects, Butterbean's MMA debut, and football players in the headlining bout at the CSU Convocation Arena. On the mics are Tedd Williams and Erik Apple.

1) Josh Martin vs. Steve Durig: Both guys are wearing wrestling shoes, so I think I know how they fight.

FIGHT: Draw. (0)

Durig: Honestly doesn't seem like he wants to fight too much. Gets kicked in the groin a couple times and wisely takes the 5 minutes. I think he's better in the clinch too with very basic muay thai technique. However, Martin is stronger and gets him down a couple times to win the first. Durig has a better gas tank and ends up being able to outlast Martin after some desperation grappling, eventually taking his back and beating on him for the final minute of the fight. Honestly, the fight could have been stopped, but I think Herb Dean did the right thing by letting it get to the bell.

Martin: Much stronger; that means his wrestling and control is, stunningly, more effective. In the first round he is able to have a super high mount on Durig, looking sorta like an armbar setup, but instead prefers to pound him out. Durig turns over and escapes through the big, wide open back door though. That outlines a big problem with Martin. Yes, he's a wrestler first, second, and fifteenth. But everything else in the arsenal that you need to succeed on this level isn't present here.

2) Tom Murphy vs. Josh Hendricks: Hendricks was in the UFC for a very short period, and Murphy was too! Murph actually was on TUF Season 2. Weird, huh? So this is kinda a good fight.

FIGHT: Murphy TKO Rnd 1. This is why Murphy got a TUF shot. He clinches up with Johnny Hendricks' D1 wrestling brother, gets a trip takedown, postures up, stands, and throws a right hand through the guard that splats Hendricks. Murphy didn't come out wild and did the job. (2)

3) Buddy Clinton vs. Angelo Popofski: Popofski reps the thumb of Michigan. Clinton was a Travis Lutter guy who was really popular with KOTC brass. Hasn't fought since 2008 though.

FIGHT: Clinton Submission Rnd 1. Easy fight. Clinton comes out firing with a combination that lands 100% on Popofski, drops him, and then he goes to side control and seeks out the kimura. Popofski took his eyes off Clinton when the punches started coming; bad idea. (0)

4) James Lee vs. Walley Keenboom: Lee was a major figure with the MASH fight team in Detroit. Had a fight in PRIDE and the UFC. Again, both men with wrestling shoes.

FIGHT: Lee Submission Rnd 1. Easy win. KOTC special ends in RNC. (1)

5) Forrest Petz vs. Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett: Can you ask for more than this? Bennett is jawing at the camera during the stare down/instructions. God bless him.

FIGHT: Petz Submission Rnd 1. Fun fight for what it was. Bennett and Petz swing wildly to start, and Bennett actually gets the takedown. However, it is Krazy Horse, and in an attempt to pass guard, he's swept. He gets back to his feet, to his credit, and we have swinging again, leading to a Petz takedown and eventually a side choke. Bennett goes out instead of tapping. (2)

6) Thiago Alves vs. Jeff Cox: Cox wears grappling pants, Alves is juiced. I mean, you know, he's excited. Not really.

FIGHT: Alves TKO Rnd 1. Cox comes straight out at Alves, backing him up, Alves grabs thai plumb, and BOOM. Knee to face, Cox is out cold against the cage. Alves even circles out and lands like 3 punches flush to an unconscious man. Brutal, fast stuff. (3)

7) Ruben "Warpath" Villareal vs. Dan Bobish: WOW.

FIGHT: Bobish Submission Rnd 1. Another case of a dude not tapping - this time in about 30 seconds to a forearm choke against the cage from side control. Bobish got an easy double as Villareal didn't even change levels or anything. (1)

8) Jason Ireland vs. Jorge Gurgel: Man, this is like the TUF 2 preview show. Gurgel was a hot, hot prospect once. Ireland was also a hot prospect for a time. Yes, this is post knee blowout. Terry Trebilcock joins the booth.

FIGHT: Gurgel Submission Rnd 3. This is a legendary bout among hardcore fans - I'd say its the first really public viewing of Stand And Bang Gurgel. Rather than go to the mat and use his vast knowledge of submission, Gurgel prefers to be the fan favorite and trade with Ireland. So little has changed in 6 years - Gurgel still ignores the openings for thai clinch and knees or uppercuts, and instead throws a lot of wide hooks that land, more often than not, on the arms. He presses the action, which means Ireland is on defense, and he does that by squaring up totally against the cage and not countering until Gurgel expends himself. His counter is generally to shoot for a single, but he occasionally lands blows in the early going on the backfoot. Gurgel goes for a triangle at the bell in the first, a guillotine in the second with a drop to half guard, and neither comes close to finishing it. However, a guillotine around the midpoint in the 3rd is on strong. He gets Ireland down and against the cage, sits up, and has some serious leverage, forcing the tap. Good scrap. (3)

9) Mike Buchkovich vs. Eric "Butterbean" Esch: Buchkovich is listed as 10-0 at this point. In case the name sounds familiar, he was reviewed on AOF 8 beating the hell out of David Yost. Bean is DEBUTING. Yes! Before PRIDE! Crowd is not happy for this because Esch was supposedly going to be put in to fight a local DJ.

FIGHT: Draw. Not gonna bother to review. There may have been a gentleman's agreement in place so that there are no takedowns, as Buchkovich doesn't shoot at all in the first. He lands a lot of jabs on the outside along with right hands, and when there is grappling, it primarily occurs in the second round with Buchkovich pushing Butterbean into the cage. Clearly, Buchkovich should win the decision. (1)

Instead, a draw? Crowd is BOOING. Bean says that the opponent was only chosen a couple hours prior. Oh man. Buchkovich takes the mic straight out of the woman's hand interviewing him and screams "This is BULLSHIT!" only to be yelled at by Tedd Williams immediately after. Crowd is heated. He then says "Butterbean is a good fight!" Then they hug it out. Crowd is still booing, Buchkovich then says he wants to let his 2 year old know he loves her. Amy, the girl interviewing the fighters, asks the crowd if they want a rematch only to be showered with boos.

10) Joey Villasenor vs. Brendan Seguin: Both guys could probably rematch now and it would make good sense.

FIGHT: Villasenor TKO Rnd 1. Some striking from too far away to land from both guys before Joey clinches up. Seguin is pretty tough to take down, to be fair, and they separate. Again, back to distance striking. Villasenor leaps in with a left hook and Seguin is out fold and a total mess. (2)

11) Jarrod Bunch vs. Michael Westbrook: Nothing like a freakshow to headline; two former NFL players, Westbrook being the more well known of the two.

FIGHT: Westbrook Submission Rnd 1. Sometimes, all you can ask is that two guys give it a good effort and don't embarass themselves or the sport. This is one of those occasions where they took it seriously and put forth real effort. Neither guy looked great, but if you compared them to a lot of lousy heavyweights that the sport has been subjected to over the years, hey, look - do these guys really look worse than Brian Vetell or something? Of course not. Westbrook does some nice setups for the shot with his level changes and eventually shoots the double after having defended a takedown attempt of Bunch. He lands some hellacious punches, Bunch gives the back, and we basically have a classic KOTC special with a RNC that takes way too long to finish. And really, for what this is, that's a great victory. (1)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Ireland/Gurgel

KO OF THE NIGHT: Cox/Alves

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Warpath/Bobish

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 6.5 out of 10. Honestly, this was pretty good. The Butterbean fight is atrocious, but most everything else isn't offensive. There's actually even a very good fight on here. Not a classic as some have labelled, but a very good fight and probably one of the 10 best of 2005. Some pretty brutal beatdowns came with it that entertained because it was high level carnage, and you have a night of fights that's worth buying.

D&R RATING: 29% (16/55)

DEEP Megaton GP Second Round (5/24/2008)

Along with the DEEP Megaton GP's second round is the program of ClubDEEP from 5/24/2008, which I'll review later. First though, this. The intro for the show features a hardcore song from some random Japanese band called "Fat Boy" and shows clips from the first round fights as well as fat people eating and fat ring girls. This is incredible already.

1) Kosaku Shikmasu vs. Itomo Ariyama: Ariyama is the man wearing overalls and he might be among the worst MMA fighters ever. Reserve bout?

FIGHT: Shikmasu TKO Rnd 1. He throws a front kick at the start of the fight and you can see Ariyama immediately reconsider this idea of his to fight professionally. Later he absorbs a body kick, and then a couple knees to the head before he crumples to the mat. The ref flops on him to stop the onslaught.

2) Ken Orihashi vs. Mamoru Nakamura: Should be a brawl.

FIGHT: Orihashi TKO Rnd 1. Wild brawl as expected. Rock Em Sock Em Robots with both men going down, but Orihashi gets the last knockdown and pounds out Nakamura with hammerfists, forcing a ref stoppage.

3) Katsuhiko Kumano vs. Shunji Kosaka: Kosaka is by far smaller. Kumano may be the biggest man in the tourney.

FIGHT: Kosaka TKO Rnd 1. Kumano comes rushing forward and is felled with a right hand, going straight backwards. Kosaka jumps on him and punches and the ref stops it. 10 seconds!

4) Yoichi Babaguchi vs. Yusuke Kawaguchi: Baba Booey is HUGE. Not Kumano HUGE but HUGE. Kawaguchi is still big, but has some discernable wrestling talent.

FIGHT: Kawaguchi TKO Rnd 1. Babaguchi is hit with punches right away because Kawaguchi trains for real reals and ends up being battered mercilessly for 16 seconds until finally collapsing into the ropes and seeing the ref stop it.

5) Shinsuke Inoue vs. Katsumi Yamada: Inoue's hair is bizarre: like a bowl cut and then tied to a pony tail, but short. And dyed blonde.

FIGHT: Inoue TKO RND 1. Yamada comes forward, lands a right hand, and gets down Inoue! I'm surprised the fat boy could do that. But he does nothing on top and appears gassed 40 seconds in. The ref forces a standup and Inoue throws Yamada with a cool judo sweep, mounts him, and throws hammerfists and punches until the ref stops it.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Nakamura/Orihashi

KO OF THE NIGHT: Kosaka/Kuman

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 7.5 out of 10. It was over and done in like 20 minutes! And it had huge fat guys fighting! C'mon, what is wrong with this? Yeah, no good fights. Yeah, no real skill. But if you are watching the Megaton GP, you know what you are getting. I would rather watch this than a lot of single fights, which it takes about the same amount of time as doing. Kawaguchi does a locker room interview while wearing a Lilo And Stitch shirt. What a dude.

D&R RANKING: 0%

DEEP MEGATON GP 1ST ROUND/ClubDEEP Tokyo (3/29/2009)

The freakshow. Hated, loved. The duplicitous nature of the freakshow in MMA is what separates it from boxing in this country. We fight in a cage and let fat men in shirts, street brawlers with little training, and pro wrestlers do it to adoring fans seeking to satiate their blood lust. In Japan, it is no different. In both lands they are a necessary evil to attract the eyes to this sport that it must then turn to real fans.

I once read an article about junk food, and it said that 30 years ago, people were perfectly happy with just old fashioned nachos. Then they added beans and meat and shit to them and people needed more and more on their nachos. The release of opiates from the brain from eating such fatty food couldn't be pleased with just junk cheese any more. That is what Kimbo Slice is to the 18-34 year old male; Nachos covered in tons of meat and then more cheese. And then salsa. And yeah, there's more healthy choices, but your average meathead will just ignore them. MMA is the same.

I say this long intro because this event, held in the nightclub Shinjyuku FACE in front of about 500 people, is the alpha and omega of freakshows. All fat Japanese dudes in shirts. All fighting. Anyone who comes to the show over 100KG got free booze. This is the world we inhabit. You can't trade it for another. The opening montage is of small dudes throwing punches over the sounds of Japanese metal legends Outrage. This two hour special was aired by the folks at Samurai TV and is basically one hour of the GP and one hour of ClubDEEP and its, well, normal fights.

1) Guy Delameau vs. Hideo Matsui: No idea who either is or what the weight class is for the opener.

FIGHT: Delameau TKO Rnd 1. Clipped, I think. It shows on fightfinders as being a second round TKO, but the fight was only a 2 round bout, so that might screw it up a little. Delameau gets down Matsui, ends up taking his back, and punches him when a RNC can't be sunk. (0)

2) Sadao Kondo vs. Shingo Matsuda: HEAVILY clipped. He looks like he defended takedowns and went for a head and arm choke. (0)

3) Tetsuya Yoshioka vs. Kenji Ushioda: Yoshioka Unanimous Decision. Heavily clipped. Had a couple takedowns??? (0)

GRAPPLING EXHIBITION~ between dudes who's names I can't find. Someone wins with a Sakuraba style Kimura. Rad? Yes. When I find out who it was, I will say.

4) Tomoya Miyashita vs. Tatsumitsu Wada: Back to normal MMA action. Expecting this to be clipped because, hey, I expect lots of that and there's not enough time in the program.

FIGHT: Miyashita TKO Rnd 2. Clipped, but not outrageously so. (1)

Miyashita: Miyashita is actually getting beaten up pretty much the whole fight. Outstruck EVERYWHERE with low kicks, punches, etc. In the second round he gets hit with a head kick tha fells him, and as he gets up, he sorta throws his right hand out at a charging Wada. Wada runs right into it and lands his own shot, so both men drop. Wada doesn't get up though. He's out cold.

Wada: Decent fighter, smaller than Miyashita, and did a lot of showing off during the second round of the fight as he was lacing up his opponent with shots. But he came in real sloppy when he went for the kill and paid for it in almost cartoonish fashion. KO of the decade candidate.

5) Ippo Wantanuki vs. Isao Tereda: Tereda has a mohawk. That is what I can tell you about this fight.

FIGHT: Watananuki Unanimous Decision. Clipped again. (0)

Watannuki: Smaller man who likes to wrestle. Top control grappler. And since Tereda doesn't seem good at defending the shot or takedowns, this works well for him. He spends most of round 1 on top inside the guard giving it up only at the end of the round for a heel hook attempt. He gets to mount in the second but Tereda bucks him and lands some effective blows. Watanuki seems to steal the round in the closing 30 seconds or so by landing stout punches, getting a takedown, the back, and nearly an armbar.

Tereda: Bigger guy, likes to strike, but not much of a grappler. Guys who aren't really grapplers don't go far in MMA.

At this point we see fighters getting brought out for a lightweight tournament. I think. Then I think Imanari is out there with a DEEP belt and talks some. Then Mishma comes out and talks some. Oh! Hey! They are gonna fight at DEEP 35! I needs me that card.

6) Yoshitomo Watanabe vs. Yuki Inoue: Dudes.

FIGHT: Inoue Majority Decision. Clipped. Shock. Inoue comes forward and that's about it in terms of angles. One speed too. He gets more time on top than does his opponent, which basically gets him the win. Watanabe shows the ability to block takedowns sometimes. (0)

7) Teruhiko Kubo vs. Kousei Kubota: Wrestling shoes! I love DEEP. Kubota is wearing them and he is like so old in this sport.

FIGHT: Kubota Unanimous Decision. Dana White special breaks out in round one with both men just throwing leather...and Kubota actually gets the better of it. Same in the second as Kubota also gets a double leg takedown. Tough to take away much from Kubo - had physical advantages in size, but wide punching and middling takedown defense means he loses to a .500 fighter. (0)

8) Yasusi Kitazaki vs. Tseuneyoshi Kashimura: Mystery men to me.

FIGHT: Kitazaki Split Decision. (0)

Kitazaki: Early on when he has his legs, he throws shots coming inside and then bounces out before there can be an answer. But Kitazaki gets him down in the second and that sucks some of the energy out of him. He gets up out of half guard way too easily, and Kashimura pays big. Kitazaki gets top control after another takedown attempt leads into the night's second attempt at a Sakuraba Kimura. Not much happens there but it sorta locks the fight up for Kitazaki.

Kashimura: Grappler, OK standup that he doesn't trust enough because he doesn't throw (until late in the fight), can't counter, just covers up to defend. Gave the fight away when he had Kitazaki on his back in half guard and just postured up and basically set him free to stand.

9) Naoki Matsushita vs. Ryan Bow: Bow does reporting for Japan-MMA I think.

FIGHT: Draw. (0)

Bow: Goes for takedowns, gets them in the second round, otherwise mostly a clinch stalemate where he's pushing Matsushita. Of course, the judges make it a draw in spite of Bow controlling the bout.

Matsushita: Seems to be able to throw low kicks, engage with a closed guard when on his back, and prevent takedowns sometimes. How's that for a scouting report?

10) Luiz Andrade vs. Seung Hwan Bang: If Bang's name sounds familiar, its because he lost to Takanori Gomi and Masvidal in Sengoku. Andrade is Brazilian and living in Japan. Even fought for Japan's M-1 squad in 2009.

FIGHT:Bang Unanimous Decision. Bang goes for the takedown a lot here, which honestly surprises me. Does a really good job timing Andrade, in fact - takedowns off low kicks and punches come with instinct and someone for whom the sport has slowed down a good deal. Too bad he got out of the sport after the losses in Sengoku. Coulda been a prospect if he weren't used up so fast. (0)

MEGATON GP TIME! Even the ring girls are fat.

11) Yoshito Takahashi vs. Hiroshi Kiyohara: Not fat dudes. One in rash guard, the other in thai shorts.

FIGHT: Takahashi TKO Rnd 1. Takahashi might be the dude in the rash guard, but Kiyohara is disposed of fast. He has a big set of bandages on his knee that are probably slowing him. Just wild striking. (0)

12) Muneyuki Suzuki vs. Katsumi Yamada: YES. Fat dudes time. One is from U-File.

FIGHT: Yamada TKO Rnd 1. Suzuki is rushed at the start in spite of being the U-File guy and is dropped while running away with a right hand. He gets pounded out and Yamada keeps punching after the ref tries to break them. (0)

13) Tadahiro Hosaka vs. Shunji Kosaka: Hosaka is in gi pants and a tank top.

FIGHT: Kosaka Unanimous Decision. Kosaka uses actual technique in the fight and that makes the difference. Early on Hosaka just throws leather and actually goes into a counter punching mode, attacking when Kosaka throws leg kicks. But by the second round as both are winded, Hosaka starts to fall victim to the kicks, straighter punching of Kosaka, and also a pancake sprawl of sorts. (0)

14) Ken Orihashi vs. Kazuki Nojiri: Wow. One of these guys looks like Ryo Chonan in a fat suit.

FIGHT: Orihashi Unanimous Decision. Two fighters just standing and trading. Wild crazy brawl between two tough men. Nojiri takes the worst of it though and gets dropped in the second but hangs on and keeps throwing leather back. Nojiri seems to have some basic understanding about kickboxing. (0)

15) Katsuhiko Kumano vs. Itomo Ariyama: This fight is the symbol of the tournament: Kumano is ridiculously fat. Ariyama is even fatter. He is weighing what appear to be Pumas. He is also wearing a red long sleeve shirt and overalls. Ariyama also looks facially to perhaps have Down's.

FIGHT: Kumano Split Decision. Incredible collision of fatties who throw the worst punches. Ariyama is in trouble early taking blows, runs across the ring, but weathers an early storm. The fight then falls into a pattern of two men staring at each other and then unloading lead overhand rights. Kumano is clearly the stronger man and he shoves Ariyama around the ring in the early part of the first and second. This is a fight I'm pleased to see was cut and edited. (1)

16) Ryosuke Kojima vs. Shinsuke Inoue: Neither fighter is really that huge in this fight. In fact, they are downright svelte for this tourney.

FIGHT: Inoue Unanimous Decision. Watching this makes me feel like I accidentally exited out of the DVD and are watching random Americans in some ISKA Muay Thai tournament on Altitude TV. Lots of technigally not terrible MMA. Inoue wins a unanimous decision and its deserved. He lands a lot of low kicks and also does a solid job throwing punches and leading the action. Kojima is sorta a grizzled vet kickboxer as best I can tell here. (0)

17) Yoichi Babaguchi vs. Kintaro Tsurukame: Dudes are HUGE. Babaguchi in shoes.

FIGHT: Babaguchi TKO Rnd 1. Babaguchi wins with strikes after cornering a running Tsurukame. He drops him after a chopping right and finishes the job on the man. (0)

18) Muscle Hiranuma vs. Mamoru Nakamura: One fighter hails from MUSCLE JUNGLE GYM; guess which?

FIGHT: Nakamura Unanimous Decison. Nakamura is wide, but wider yet with punches is Hiranuma. Hiranuma can't stop takedowns very well either, but can power his way out of a kimura attempt. Muscle is all done in the first, and Nakamura pours it on in the second with punches and takedowns. He's close to finishing with a RNC when the bell rings for the end of the fight at the conclusion of the second round. Hiranuma can throw his fists around. Clipped. (0)

19) Yusuke Kawaguchi vs. Nobuyoshi Takahara: Kawaguchi is the big favorite here in the tourney.

FIGHT: Kawaguchi TKO Rnd 1. Kawaguchi comes right out and tags Takahara, then takes him down. Punching is a bit robotic, but these guys suck so its not like its a shock. He pounds out Takahara from top control in 40 seconds. (0)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Andrade/Bang? I guess?

KO OF THE NIGHT: Wada/Miyashita

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: that grappling exhibition. Is that unfair?

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 5 out of 10. Too much clipping. Boo on clipping. However, the fat men fights were generally entertaining. None of it felt too serious, which I appreciated when watching fat men fight. Shame about the clipping though.

D&R Rating: 2% (2/95)

JUNGLE FIGHT 3 (10/23/2004)

Antonio Inoki and Wallid Ismael again welcome us to Jungle Fight here in Manaus at the Tropical Hotel Manaus Sports Complex. Inoki gets some sort of Jaguar statuette as a present for having been at each event. Missing the cut from this event: Bobby Hoffman/Leopoldo Montenegro as well as Tony DeSouza/Carlos Lima and a Bibano Fernandes fight. What does Samurai TV give us all instead?

1) Masahito Kakihara vs. Rocky Romero: Kakihara is from NJPW, Romero is also at this time a gaijin wrestler contracted to NJPW with a history with UPW, CMLL, ROH, etc. In short - this is almost certainly a thrown fight.

FIGHT: Kakihara Submission Rnd 1. Obviously the potential that this isn't a worked shoot under the context of legit MMA is low. There's a side headlock/cross armbar combination in this fight for crying out loud. Kakihara shows that he has no chance of beating a real opponent as he locks in Romero into a headlock and Romero gladly rolls back into guard rather than keep the back that's been given to him. Volk Han would be disappointed. Kakihara wins by knee bar. (1) for the freakshow wrassler factor.

2) Fredson Paixao vs. Fabio Mello: Okay, again, wasn't expecting his fight on here.

FIGHT: Paixao Unanimous Decision (3)

Paixao: You know, if there is one thing to say about Paixao, its that he isn't exciting. I don't think that's wrong to say as if it is criminal to admit that not all of these guys are wonderful to watch. But Paixao is, historically, not fun to watch. He's very basic in terms of approach - takedown, control, smother, take advantage of the opposition's mistakes. On the mat he's a counter fighter even when on top. You never see him taking too many risks - he'll throw leather when he sees an opening, but is willing to wait and toil a little to make the opening appear rather than just work as hard as others do to make it happen with body strikes or whatnot. Standing he's a robot and not at all good, but the fights consistently go to the mat with him. When Mello turns within Paixao's guard to face him and be on top most of the third, he is ineffective with anything. Paixao is just locking him up with relative ease.

Mello: Doesn't have the wrestling chops, the boxing chops, or the physical gifts to keep Paixao at a distance and so he loses. Could have won this fight had he gotten top position and just laid there though because Paixao isn't that great off his back. Nothing hugely impressive that he did all fight aside from avoid getting stopped.

3) Masayuke Naruse vs. Tony Williams: Who? Naruse is a RINGS vet.

FIGHT: Naruse Submission Rnd 1. Armbar from mount. Looked to be a potential thrown fight. Crowd booed it too. Williams kicking and "selling" a lot. (0)

4) Jorge "Macaco" Patino vs. Boris Jonstomp: Ugh. Bad mismatch here.

FIGHT: Patino Submission Rnd 2. This fight feels like it never ends. Patino wins by arm triangle after dominating all but like 45 seconds by being on top in dominant position. Jonstomp gets taken down and simply doesn't have an answer to that, guard passes, punches, whatever. Patino has been fighting for 15 years and is a vet of UFC, PRIDE, Strikeforce, this, hell, everything. A good grappler with unspectacular striking and who is undersized for the upper weight classes he often participates in. Patino also has Jesus written across his ass, which is a reminder that we've come so far that club fighters have numerous sponsors written across their asses today in this sport a scant 6 years later. (1)

5) Assuerio Silva vs. Alessio Sakara: This seems like a ridiculous mismatch in retrospect, doesn't it? OK heavyweght fights a guy who is an OK middleweight. In the ring against one another, they seem about the same size.

FIGHT: Silva Unanimous Decision. Horror show of a fight. Silva fights to win and does by winning a battle of positioning. (3)

Sakara: Sakara is better on his feet, which you would expect since he had such a history as a boxer. On the mat he can lock up Silva a bit and defend submissions (or at least survive). He stays on top for most of the second actually landing shots thanks to some bad moves by Silva, but for most of the first and third he's on his back. I liked his one-two-body shot combo. Great three punches to throw together and he landed the body shot every time. Just not enough snap in it.

Silva: Muay thai that he has is thrown out the window in favor of submission grappling, double leg takedowns, and ultimately top control. Lots and lots of Silva in side control. He goes for an armbar, a kneebar, a choke, a few different things. Couple good kimura attempts too. Honestly, he should have finished this fight. He had the opportunities. But that's why Silva is a longtime journeyman and not a contender in any weight class.

6) Renato "Babalu" Sobral vs. Jose "Pele" Landi-Jons: This was a fight? Pele was a legendary welterweight, Sobral was most often a heavyweight at this point of his career. Even then, he had recently dropped to 205. Big staredown.

FIGHT: Babalu Unanimous Decision. Again, you look at the fight on paper and its like "OH WOW I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT" and then you see it and you go "oh hey that's why I have seen this before and don't remember a single thing". This may have been trimmed. Not 100% on that. (5)

One thing about Brazilian MMA compared to other nations - Holland loves standups when there's not much activity. They let them go in Brazil. I mean, they often really let them go. Even when its boring and not leading to anything.

Babalu: Babalu is landing hook kicks and axe kicks and man, it is really cool looking when he shows off and you wish he was the whole fight instead of laying on top of Pele in half guard or side control which is a lot, and I mean a LOT of the fight.

Pele: Pele is too small for this fight, no matter how much muscle it looks like he packed on. And that means he can't stop takedowns or do anything about them off his back. He also gasses out hard by the second round because Babalu is constantly on him. He does nothing in this fight other than make me want to fall asleep and get hit in the head with 4 inch hammer fists. I'm virtually 100% sure there were edits for this fight but I didn't care.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Patino/Jonstomp

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Patino/Jonstomp

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 2 out of 10. This is miserable to watch. The names are big and man, that main event is a huge one in MMA history given who is involved and what heights both men achieved (even if they never won a major belt). But the fights are fucking terrible dominations or probable fake fights done by pro wrestlers. Sakara/Silva is among the most disappointing fights I can ever remember.

D&R Rating: 43% (13/30)

JUNGLE FIGHT 1 (9/13/2003)

You know, I've reviewed a lot of stuff over the years this has been open, but none of it was Brazilian MMA. And that's a shame, because the Brazilians PUT IT DOWN. Time and time again the big shows down there show great talents in solid fights and I ignore it. And that changes now.

Jungle Fight 1 was taped in this instance for Japanese TV and is in Manuas, one of the cities along the Amazon in a convention center area. But outdoors. Inoki is there and so are so, so many serious big talents in the sport. Guns And Roses playing constantly, it seems like. I haven't seen these forever and for some reason I remember Inoki flying in a helicopter there or something. Instead its just tourism footage I guess. Maybe this is indoors? I have no idea anymore.

Interesting note: Gonzaga/Werdum I was on this show but not part of the Japanese broadcast. Booo. But its on Youtube because it was part of a version televised for the Fight Network in Canada. EDIT 11/28 - I went ahead and tacked it onto the end.

1) Ebenezer Fontes Braga vs. Rodrigo Gripp Da Souza: Paulo Filho is a referee. Braga is a PRIDE vet, Gripp's walkout shirt has been detailed specifically for him with the use of a magic marker. HW bout, basically.

FIGHT: Braga Submission Rnd 1. The Oilman shoots early and ends up in a guillotine right away. Braga goes to his back and lets the ref know its all over. (2)

2) Lee Young Gun vs. Kazunari Murakami: Murakami is one of the ANGRIEST wrestlers ever. EVER. But he's a pro wrestler still.

FIGHT: Murakami Submission Rnd 1. Murakami flies over Gun's head while going for a flying knee and then is mounted. Gun sucks though and gets bucked off and ends up inside Murakami's guard. He gets an armbar and won't let go even after the tap to be a dick. OK? (0)

3) Justin McCully vs. Dario Amorim: The CRAZY ONE looks like a normal dude here instead of having that terrible beard. Dario is like 100 years old with his ridiculous mustache like he's hawking 40s in 1978.

FIGHT: McCully Unanimous Decision. A McCully decision boring? You don't say. Really terrible fight with McCully boxing to the clinch and then pushing the opponent back to the ropes and the fight stays there. And that happens over and over and over. Amorim does nothing as far as movement or technique wise to dissuade this activity, so we're stuck watching it happen over and over. McCully doesn't have the skill to get the man down where he can control him either, so its just a fight of positioning - McCully lands punches that bloody Amorim's nose. Amorim occasionally has McCully let him use the thai clinch to land a knee to the body. Otherwise its dirty boxing against the ropes for 15 minutes. (1)

4) Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Shane Eitner: Nakamura is a future IWGP champ and New Japan ace of some sort. Eitner is some dude for fought in the Valor promotion. Both wear shoes.

FIGHT: Nakamura Submission Rnd 1. This might not be a legitimate bout given the lack of really hard shots thrown by either man. The hardest blows thrown are with open palms. Nakamura is able to get down Eitner multiple times and passes the guard OK. He gets a keylock from half guard and he has his second pro MMA win. (1) for freakshow value.

And now we get Inoki coming to the ring surrounded by women in Carnival outfits. The NJPW people flown out are really stoked to see the Chin. Then Wallid Ismael gets in there, they give each other gifts, and Inoki takes his seat in the crowd. Must be indoors now that I think about it - the place has carpeting.

5) Lyoto Machida vs. Stephan Bonnar: Before there was TUF, before there was Machida's title run, there was this in the jungle. Bonnar enters to U2's Beautiful Day, Machida to Iron Maiden's Afraid of the Dark. Yes, this was a thing.

FIGHT: Machida TKO Rnd 1. (5)

Bonnar: Lack of athleticism is a big issue here. Machida learns to time him very quickly and the lack of setups or willingness to walk through hell to deliver his payload means that Bonnar is in trouble early in this one. He starts to get busted up early in the first - first a cut under the left eye, then the nose. He actually does a decent job of closing the distance in this fight and gets to the clinch, but can't do anything with it. Even has some success with his right hand and knees. But he's cut far worse by punches under the right eye and they have to stop it.

Machida: Good counter punching skills displayed as well as that money shot body kick. He doesn't really hurt Bonnar but the cuts he laces him up with are just as bad. Machida in a ring though is not the same as Machida in the octagon. So much easier in a 4 sided ring to force someone like that into a corner.

6) Mark Schultz vs. Leopoldo Montenegro: The last MMA fight for one of the great amateur wrestlers of the last 25 years.

FIGHT: Montenegro Submission Rnd 1. (1) for freakshow/historic nature.

Schultz: Mark had only one fight prior years before and it shows in his technique. He leads to shoot WITH FRONT KICKS, man. Schultz goes for a firemans carry and ends up getting a double, which is fine. But he's caught in a triangle almost immediately.

Montenegro: He's fighting a one tool fighter and he has a tool that is intended to nullify exactly what Schultz brings to the table. He really has nothing to worry about from Schultz given the man's bad knee and lack of training.

7) Ricardo Morais vs. Mestre Fumaca: Capioera vs. giant MMA fighter with no chin.

FIGHT: Morais TKO Rnd 1. Fumaca goes down really early from Morais' arm punching and Morais jumps on him. He ends it in mount popping Fumaca with shots until there's a stop. (1)

8) Lucas Lopes vs. Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos: When Santos was still a light heavyweight and still dangerous.

FIGHT: Santos TKO Rnd 2. Interesting note in the fight - during the first round, the light go out in the venue, forcing them to stop the fight until they come back on. Only in Brazil. (2)

Santos: Usual performance from Cyborg - he attacks straight ahead with punches in combination and swarms the guy in front of him. Lopes actually drops Cyborg in the first round during one of those wild exchanges, but that's about the most trouble Cyborg is ever actually in.

Lopes: Expends all he has in the first round trying to finish Cyborg when he hurts him and gasses out. He eventually falls victim to combination punching and low kicks from Cyborg and drops after a three punch combination ends with a low kick that sweeps him and brings in the ref.

Big Nog drops by to talk some.

9) Jorge "Macaco" Patino vs. Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza: Journeyman fights BJJ legend and future Strikeforce middleweight champ.

FIGHT: Patino TKO Rnd 1. Patino is going for takedowns with the same panache as Souza surprising me big time since I didn't remember crap about this fight. After they nearly go out of the ring, we get a restart standing, and they're just scrapping. What a poor, poor plan for Jacare. He ends up eating right hands from the more MMA experienced Patino and eventually gets dropped around 3 and a half minutes in. He tries to get up and keep fighting after Filho has come in to protect him, then just does a baby giraffe dance. (4)

BONUS FIGHT: Fabricio Werdum vs. Gabriel Gonzaga: Not included on the original program I have but could be found on Youtube. How does it improve the show? Noticeably, in fact. One downer is that Round 2 is trimmed for Canadian TV.

FIGHT: Werdum TKO Rnd 3 (4)

Werdum: Man, what a replay of the second fight. Err. Okay, so the second fight was a replay of this. Well, anyways - Werdum has problems with Gonzaga's wrestling in the first. Hell, he's mounted. And in the second, we see highlights of another Gonzaga takedown. But Werdum survives both. He escapes the mount by bucking and turning - it looked like Gonzaga thought he might be rolling for a leg lock, but to me it appeared that Gonzaga could have had the back. Oh well. Gonzaga gasses about 8 minutes in and from then on its all Werdum with punching standing. Gonzaga was always touted as a strong muay thai practitioner, and he sure doesn't look it in any of the Werdum fights.

Werdum, for his many negatives as a fighter, came out blazing here with a leaping side kick in the first round and brought pressure standing constantly. In the third, a dented up Gonzaga is taken down, fights off a key lock, and then gets smashed out with punches from mount.

Gonzaga: The more things change with Gonzaga, it seems they stay the same. Aside from the leg kick heard round the world, Gonzaga is lousy at engaging in the standup fight when he's not in total control as a grappler. You see it here, you see it with Kevin Jordan, you see it with Brendan Schaub. His cardio is poor, which you see in the rematch and in the Couture fight and in the fight with Schaub. Sometimes a guy can overcome and make something happen with his talents, but you see the negatives straight away even here and by this point, most guys are only gonna take baby steps progressing.

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Santos/Lopes (Werdum/Gonzaga when included)

KO OF THE NIGHT: Patino/Souza

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Braga/Souza

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 4 out of 10. I have seen JF 1-5 before and aside from Machida cutting up Bonnar, I remember almost nothing about the fights. I still barely remember anything about from the fights and I just watched them. There are names here that people will recognize, but the fights they are in aren't that great. In fact, they generally suck and are barely watchable or are just flat out squashes. With Gonzaga/Werdum figured in, the rating actually jumps to a 5 out of 10 alone. At that point, its an average event to see with one really marquee interesting fight with an elite talent.

D&R Rating: 38% (17/45), w/the bonus: 42% (21/50)

ReMix World Cup (12/5/2000)

Once, long ago, there was no women's MMA. Or at least, like none other than Becky Levi beating up other ugly women on IFC cards. And then there was this: ReMix World Cup, a one night openweight women's MMA tourney. This is a really great bootleg I have, probably from some US commercial version of the DVD. There's Joshi wrestlers and all sorts of stuff. No idea on the rules, but I guess I'll find out? This was done at the Nippon Budokan, BTW. Apparently this promotion somehow became Smackgirl wikipedia says? OK.

This review was so long in the making. Tom Gentleman sent me the DVD requesting I review it over 2 years ago. I feel bad that it took this long. I hope I am rewarded.

1) Miwako Ishihara vs. Becky Levi: Ishihara does karate. That I can tell. Becky Levi I think is into women or trucking or both and trains with Dan Severn. She is also like twice the size of Ishihara.

FIGHT: Levi Split Decision: A slow motion version of Paul Varelans vs. Cal Worsham. worsham and Ishihara even punch the same way when presented with a tired version of their monstrous foe. Matter of fact, I started watching Barreto/Varelans while this was on my TV using youtube because, hey, that was an awesome thing when that happened. In case you've never seen that -

CARLOS BARRETO vs. PAUL VARELANS: From Brazil Vale Tudo Open 1997. Varelans tells us he is ready to rock and roll. Barreto just wants us to know that we're in for a great fight. They lock up in center ring almost immediately and Barreto gets a trip takedown on Varelans. The camera work is dreadful as it misses this and instead zooms in on some random dude on the crowd from through the cage before panning down to where the guys are on the mat. Barreto proceeds to mount and smash Varelans with punches until the ref stops it. Easy work for Barreto, who was awesome once.

Oh. Wait. This is a review of another fight. So anyways, back to Levi/other person. The Japanese fighter ends up being less tired than Becky Levi and actually begins to push back and put her in the corner in the end of the second round. Makes for a close but not wholly compelling fight. Levi wins a split decision as the judges apparently appreciate her Scott Ferozzoesque gameplan. (2)

2) Floor Holman vs. Junko Yagi: I have no idea who these girls are. Yagi has fancy yellow clothes with Junko across the ass. Junko in the trunk, if you will. Apparently Junko is a pro wrestler sez the internet.

FIGHT: Yagy TKO Rnd 2. Yagi punches like a girl. I know, I know. She fucking does, OK? I'm sorry. Somehow she bloodies Holman's nose with the hammerfist looking strikes, and Holman is obviously a kickboxer type given that she is dutch and can throw a body kick. In the second she does an awesome judo throw to Holman and is in side control and they stand them after like 5 seconds? Uhhh. I guess there's a limit to mat work. I think I read about that. The big issue in the fight is that Holman's wrist gets hurt punching in round 1. She like turns away and cringes and screams, but the ref allows the fight to be paused and continue. Huh? In the second it gives way again and this time he stops it. (0)

3) Erin Toughill vs. Rodina Irina: Toughill is batshit crazy and fighting some Russian Judoka that is like 50 lbs heavier than her.

FIGHT: Toughill Split Decision. Huh? Irina takes her down and works for subs THE ENTIRE FIGHT. Toughill basically doesn't do anything, but wins. Why? I have no idea. The 20 second max for ground work keeps Irina from winning. Too bad, honestly. (2)

4) Svetlana Goundarenko vs. Kyoko Inoue: Goundarenko is the easy favorite coming in because she is HUGE. Inoue is a big Joshi wrestler AND WEARING FACE PAINT, and still half the size.

FIGHT: Goundarenko Submission Rnd 1: The enormous russian MAULS Inoue, who resorts to running the ropes to get leverage but is generally tossed around and suplexed and shit. Some sort of warning is given to her for beating the shit out of this girl? Then Inoue shoots a single and gets rolled on top of because when Goundarenko lays around the house, bitch lays around the house. SHOOT URANGE from Goundarenko. She is screaming BECAUSE INOUE IS BITING HER. Yellow card given. Another takedown from Goundarenko and she wins with a side headlock/neck crank. That was absolutely the greatest thing I've seen in forever. (2)

5) Mika Harigai vs. Marloes Coenen: This is also a fight? Coenen is STILL relevant. Hell, wait, she's the SF 135lb champ, isn't she?

FIGHT: Coenen Submission Rnd 1. Complete domination. Harigai is dropped with punches early, Coenen clearly can't kick a downed foe because she wants to and stops herself, then runs around back and gets the rear naked choke. 33 seconds. (4)

6) Bambi Beroncello vs. Megumi Yabushita: Another Joshi star facing a random American.

FIGHT: Yabushita Submission Rnd 1. BACKDROP DRIVAHHHHHHH. Okay it wasn't but it was some crazy fucking slam as Beroncello goes over the head of Yabushita and then Yabushita puts her body into it to put her on the mat. After some uncomfortable standup, Yabushita goes for the double and immediately transitions into an armbar. Slick! (1)

7) Becky Levi vs. Junko Yagi: Becky Levi continues her march to assumed glory. Well, maybe not.

FIGHT: Levi Unanimous Decision. Yagi's sloppy striking isn't so effective against a much bigger foe looking to clinch and play her game. Leg trips? Not working on Becky Levi. Female Ferrozzo, meanwhile, plies her trade of dirty boxing and knees well. Levi is so arm weary at the end of this.

(2)

8) Svetlana Goundarenko vs. Erin Toughill: Oh my god. Yes. YES. YESSSSSSSS.

FIGHT: Goundarenko Submission Rnd 1. Another fight where Goundarenko wins with side head lock after throwing around Toughill and mauling her like a bear. She tries to suffocate Toughill with a standing side headlock using her fat. (3)

9) Marloes Coenen vs. Becky Levi: Weird way to do the tourney, but OK. I guess if you are bigger, you have to fight more.

FIGHT: Coenen Submission Rnd 1. Coenen is dominating the fight with kickboxing, then clinches with Levi. Why play that game, I mean HOLY SHIT SHE JUST THREW A FLYING ARMBAR AND LEVI VERBALLY SUBMITTED. (4)

10) Svetlana Goundarenko vs. Megumi Yabushita: I can't even speak.

FIGHT: Yabushita Unanimous Decision. Why break this fight down or try to do play by play? What is the point? Goundarenko often blocks takedowns with these pancake sprawls, but sometimes Yabushita like wriggles out of the rolls and then goes for heel hooks and punches and it is an incredible thing. Maybe the greatest thing. The Hackney/Yarborough of women's MMA. Maybe even better than Yarborough/Hackney. (3)

After the bout, we get lots of backstage stuff for the next fight. Apparently it is a super fight of some sort. Who is this?

11) Atsuko Sakuraba vs. Tatiana Kovochinova: No idea who either is. Tatiana says something about being Russian in the prefight hype video.

FIGHT: Kovochinova Submission Rnd 1. Sakuraba tries to outlast an armbar that Kovochinova puts on her by going the 20 seconds but cannot continue. Apparently Sakuraba is a TV personality who came to fight against a multitime Russian Judo champ. I think she still does color for stuff like K-1 Dynamite though. She looks really familiar. *INSERT RACIST STATEMENT HERE* (1)

12) Marloes Coenen vs. Megumi Yabushita: A worthy main event and final.

FIGHT: Coenen Unanimous Decision. Coenen is willing to work wherever and can. Yabushita, meanwhile, only really has one place she can do anything, which is the mat. She goes for takedowns and gets them with some frequency, but can't do anything inside of 20 seconds. Coenen also is generally more successful with submission attempts, but again; only 20 seconds means not enough time to really pull stuff off. (4)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Yabushita/Goundarenko

SUBMISSION OF THE NIGHT: Kovochinova/Sakuraba

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 7 out of 10. Look, this is all about the fat woman fights. And Coenen winning by flying armbar. Nothing else on the show is not that good. But my god, the fat woman fights. Epic.

D&R Rating: 50% (30/60)

Moosin: God of Martial Arts (5/21/2010)

A classic event. The version I'm watching is the Polsat Sport one with Polish commentary. The show is only two hours long. Round cage - borrowed from ProElite?

1) Lukasz Jurkowski vs. Kim Ho Jin: Light heavyweight contest.

FIGHT: Jukowski TKO Rnd 1. Not a lot to say about this fight. Both men were kinda sloppy going for throws in the clinch and Jin was a much smaller man. Jurkowski eventually nicked Jin with a knee that bothered him a little and followed it with a hard elbow to the head he didn't expect that dropped him. Some punches on the mat followed and ended it. (0)

2) Tara LaRosa vs. Roxanne Modafferi: LaRosa looks old now, jesus. Roxie looks like an ugly nerd.

FIGHT: Modafferi Split Decision. If this were a men's fight, this would be a five. Its the women though, and so I give it a (4).

Modafferi: Starting with the winner - she actually hurts LaRosa standing pretty badly in round one after the two had basically spent the round against the cage in an embrace. In rounds two and three though, its Modafferi getting stunned by punches. While she really doesn't do anything in round 2 to justify giving her the round, in round 3 though its a different story. She's dropped and LaRosa rushes into her guard. But when she gets there, Modafferi throws up a couple solid triangle attempts. While LaRosa escapes both and has a couple hammerfists of little value, the submission attempts are basically enough to get her a win on two cards.

LaRosa: Her age is catching up to her, as might be the cut down to 130. Why was she so easily caught in triangle attempts? Don't know. She did manage to escape but the close calls she endured in round 3 cost her the fight when she should have been able to keep it standing and manage the fight and decision on the feet.

3) Yves Edwards vs. Mike Campbell: Lightweight fight between the aging journeyman and a pseudo prospect who already bounced out of the WEC.

FIGHT: Campbell Unanimous Decision. Incredibly close fight. I'll be honest - I think Yves Edwards has some reason to be upset here. (3)

Campbell: Just a guy who is good at a few things - standard issue wrestleboxer with some level of athleticism. He rocks Edwards with some punches in the second round but actually spends a surprising amount of time on the back foot and on his back. Even gives up his back to Edwards a couple times. I'll be honest - I don't see how he won the fight. He got cut, he got thrown around with a couple impressive tosses (Edwards nearly gave him a cradle piledriver in the third) - did they consider the parts that Edwards wasn't dominating "control" on Campbell's part?

Edwards: He's still fun to watch and he still brought it - nearly laid out Campbell with a headkick in the first round as well as a knee that was oh-so-close in the first round, but did cut him with punches. He was pretty even with Campbell until he dropped his hands and took some punches in the second, elevating Campbell from a body lock on the backside to throw him down and be in side control. In the third he landed better (I thought) with Campbell occasionally coming forward and clinching or going for the legs only to get take hammerfists, get shrugged off, or get thrown. Oh well.

4) Rafael Natal vs. Travis Lutter: Natal was tearing up ROC for a little bit. Lutter has been taking a long fall in his MMA career. He just looks tired and worn out standing around the ring. Might not even care.

FIGHT: Natal TKO Rnd 1. Simply put, this is a case of a guy who looks like he aged all at once. He had zero for Natal standing, would constantly fail to get the takedown, and went down to a grazing left hand and got pounded out on the mat. Natal gets a UFC contract afterwards. (3)

5) Travis Wiuff vs. Josh Barnes: Wiuff has been reviewed stunningly few times for all the fights he's had. Barnes was a sort of a prospect who came in 1-3 for his last 4 coming into this.

FIGHT: Wiuff TKO Rnd 1. Barnes and Wiuff trade and Barnes isn't Mike Kyle or Tim Hague or whatever. Stuns Barnes with a left hook and then levels him with the followup. Fight is 34 seconds. (2)

6) Tim Sylvia vs. Mariusz Pudzianowski: Freakshow of epic proportions that people actually thought Pudz might win. No good reasoning behind it, just that Sylvia lost to Mercer and somehow, being muscular makes for being the same as a former top heavyweight boxing contender.

FIGHT: Sylvia TKO Rnd 2. Generally dominated by Sylvia who absorbs little actual punishment from the diesel Pudz. Mariusz just thunders forward with bad low kicks and punches, tries to clinch and get takedowns, and finds a resisting opponent is tougher to toss around than a 800lb stone ball. Sylvia hits him with kicks and punches while looking pretty chubs at the moment, and early in the second Mariusz basically flops and allows Sylvia to get on top of him and hit him until the ref stops it. Clearly Pudz can't fight more than 3 minutes and can't fight at a high level for the 3 minutes he can go. The bouts scores highly for being one of those Cro-Cop/Dos Caras Jr. style fights that simply can't be missed. (4)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Edwards/Campbell

KO OF THE NIGHT: Wiuff/Barnes

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 7.5 out of 10. There's some good fights on this card - no wars or crazy FOTY candidates, but good fights with decent fighters. The women's fight could be considered one of the maybe 15-20 most important fights the weight class has ever seen. Heavyweight freaskshow fight is historically valuable to MMA in Poland and to an extend internationally.

D&R Rating: 53% (16/30)

X-1 Night of Champions (1/26/2008)

An incredible show with a remarkable headliner. Didn't even know going in who was the top name.

1) Wesley "Cabbage" Corriera vs. Jacob Faagai: Faagai is debuting. CABBAGE is the dude who's head is super hard and can't be KOed. Well, until people started doing it. Regularly.

FIGHT: Cabbage TKO Rnd 1. Corriera still doesn't look any different than years ago. Just tosses Faagai down when he shoots. Like, straight back over backwards. Hilarious shit. Faagai actually turns him over and gets to side control and starts smashing. It looks as if he's going to win with GNP! Then HILARITY. Faagai dislocates his shoulder smashing Cabbage, reels back, falls over, and eats a punch by Cabbage. (2) for the incredible one of a kind ending, Cabbage, a random dude that was smashing Cabbage - incredible. Never seen anything like it.

2) Ricky Shivers vs. Kenny Ento: Shivers is the Alaskan middleweight champ. Can't make that up. Oh! This is a tournament. One night only! Who is the other bracket?

FIGHT: Shivers TKO Rnd 1. (0) Ento slams Shivers early and looks to mount and end this fast, but Shivers is able to force the fight back up, takes down Ento, and nearly gets caught in a leg lock. Shivers stands out, then lands a right hand on Ento. Ento ragdolls into the ropes and starts taking punches like its Morrison/Mercer as the ref jumps in. (0)

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS LEBEN. He looks like Dave Walsh on a permanent heroin bender.

3) Joey Guel vs. Falaniko Vitale: NIKOOOOOOOOO

FIGHT: Vitale Unanimous Decision (3)

Vitale: Winning a decision in Hawaii is hardly a surprise. He deserved it though, having Guel in trouble with frequency standing and on the mat. He's at a technique deficit standing but makes up for it with raw strength and his grappling technique. Even then, you see that Niko is losing a step against increasing competition - he has to force his way out of a kimura from Guel on strength alone. He should be exceedingly thankful that wasn't a serious prospect or current top fighter.

Guel: Guel shows superior standup for most of the bout and actually has a decent ground game. But he's just an OK fighter, and Vitale can defeat those. He shows enough in terms of how immobile Vitale is as well as how open he is to submissions to make you believe that Niko's a long ways away from making another run at a world title. Guel is pretty well done with the sport, it seems.

4) Dave Moreno vs. Eddie Yagin: Featherweights. Super lightweights. Whatever. 145 is the weight class. Yagin and Moreno have been around in Hawaii SO LONG.

FIGHT: Yagin Unanimous Decision (1)

Yagin: Yagin looks significantly smaller, but he's an all around better fighter. He takes down Moreno a few times and lands nice kicks and right hands. Pretty easy fight, all things considered.

Moreno: Hurts his wrist and takes a low blow the ref misses. Add in that he's a step below Yagin in terms of skill and technique, and he's not gonna win. And he doesn't.

5) Michael Brightmon vs. Anthony Torres: Welterweight bout. Never heard of either. Brightmon was in the UFC I guess. 3 minute rounds.

FIGHT: Brightmon Split Decision (0)

Brightmon: Lost to Bryson Kamaka. In 9 seconds. So that is what we are dealing with here. Just a wild puncher with a lot of physical strength. He wins the first round with some strikes that he wings out and then gets on top in the third thanks to Torres gassing and grinds out a decision.

Torres: A wrestler who has some skills on top, but nothing too great. At all. No standup. There's a reason why it was smart for him to seemingly retire and move on.

MOAR LEBEN INTERVIEW ON THE BEACH

6) Ricky Shivers vs. Falaniko Vitale: And now, the finals.

FIGHT: Vitale TKO Rnd 1. (3) Shivers gets nailed with a flying knee early in the first that drops him. Vitale jumps on him, and there's a lot of blood. Huge cut on Shivers' forehead ends the bout.

EVEN MOAR LEBEN INTERVIEW

7) Mia St. John vs. Rhonda Gallegos: UNREAL. THIS IS A FIGHT?????

FIGHT: St. John TKO Rnd 1. Gallegos is a fat mess and St. John drops her with punches. She just crumbles. St. John doesn't jump on her or anything, but does it matter? This is probably fixed. (3)

FIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Guel/Vitale

KO OF THE NIGHT: Cabbage/Faagai

OVERALL FOR THE EVENT: 5 out of 10. Freakshows of epicness. Niko SMASH. And then decisions that aren't very good.

D&R Rating: 34% (12/35)